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An Empty Beach Summer contest

Submitted by Sparrow on Sun, 2018-07-29 19:32

I felt such a fool
I arrived on the beach
Bucket and spade
And a hamper full

I erected a wind break
Just for the wife’s sake
The beach was so quiet
But it was early in the day

Then people arrived
The beach was alive
Then it dawned on me
Why they came late

It was the sun you know
As it climbed up higher
I saw them in all their nudity
No one tells me anything you see

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Last few words: 
Just to add to the entries
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Contest: 
SUMMER FUN

Comments

Geezer

Sun, 2018-07-29 20:40

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you got an eyeful and an earful from your wife too! I wish that you had rhymed all the way through, but it was a delightful read anyway!
~ Gee.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Sparrow

Mon, 2018-07-30 02:57

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Sorry about the rhyme but just a fiction write, I never had a bucket and spade, and cant recall walking the beach for a few years let alone sitting there lol
Take care and thanks for your visit,
Yours as always, Ian ..

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Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

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lovedly

Sun, 2018-07-29 21:36

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good 'twas summer after all
hope they will now u call
to open a bikinis stall
at the sandy beach

Sparrow

Mon, 2018-07-30 03:01

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Thanks for popping in, I just put my dark glasses on and left lol. Total fiction the nearest beach is about 50 miles away and never get the chance to go there,
But I must go down to the beach again
To the lonely sea and sky.
I left my pants and vest there
I wonder if they're dry.
An old Rhyme just for you lol
Yours Ian ..

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

author comment

lovedly

Mon, 2018-07-30 21:15

lovedly's picture

you left your inners also
hope you had a bikini
or whatever on
wish you get back
your swimming trunk

I lost my glasses and
they sent them to garbage
1000 dollars down the drain
blind since then I remain
of course lost hearing AIDS
When The Prince came

scribbler

Sun, 2018-07-29 21:58

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Sorry, you can't convince me you didn't know it was a nude beach lol. But the poem is entertaining.......stan

Sparrow

Mon, 2018-07-30 03:02

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I wish I knew where it was I would be down there in all my ignorance La La.
Thanks for your visit,
Yours as always Ian ..

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

author comment

lovedly

Mon, 2018-07-30 21:20

lovedly's picture

they did not know
it was only for gay
all had a hearty laugh
at the ignorance
some folks display

Sparrow

Tue, 2018-07-31 03:26

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Many thanks for you extra visits they are welcome.. Yours Ian ..

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

author comment
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