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In Dreams

Submitted by Ian.T on Mon, 2012-05-07 07:19

Only In Dreams

I walked in dreams
Feet swallowed
Dust rising all around
Colours crowded
Beauty beyond
My scope impeded

Reeling senses
Silent words
Amazing space
Eyes extending
Drinking with sighs
Memory failed

Where am I??
Ridges of black
As walls confine me
A landscape flows
Rainbow's rise
As autumn leaves
A quiet symphony

Fields only felt
Not snared by eyes
Moving effortlessly
Scene rising then falls
A lullaby of love
Please tell!
You sleep you dream

A thought I heard
Echoed my mind
I shrank you so
Then on wings
Of love you flowed
Papillon mine
Here for all time

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

Nordic cloud

Mon, 2012-05-07 10:28

Nordic cloud's picture

I haven't done other than float through this like a butterfly
visiting your words and savouring their nectar,
I like the way you negate vision as a contrast,
if that is what I want to say,
but this was very interesting Ian

Can you not find other words for beauty,
you use it several times and it begins to loose its power as beauty.
Also colours crowded and colours rise,
again some more words for these I feel.

I liked this Ann.

"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.

Ian.T

Mon, 2012-05-07 13:09

Ian.T's picture
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I have found other words, for the beauty I saw, as on a butterfly's wings I flew. Thank you for your help in making this a little more, with less colour.
Your words to me are always welcome to my thoughts,
Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

author comment

Nordic cloud

Mon, 2012-05-07 13:12

Nordic cloud's picture

This is good, you see you found hidden gems in your mind
when you set it to seeking alternatives to the beauties
and you found them too.

Well done Ian.

As aye Ann.

"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.

Ian.T

Mon, 2012-05-07 13:25

Ian.T's picture
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Thank you for another visit.
Papillon is what my son has called me for years have never asked why.
Hope there's not a devil Island connection lol.
Take care thinking of you all, Yours Ian.

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

author comment

Nordic cloud

Mon, 2012-05-07 15:43

Nordic cloud's picture

No surely a butterfly, You are welcome Ian.
As aye Ann.

"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.

WonderGolly

Mon, 2012-05-07 15:53

Beautiful composition you have Ian T. I have drifted with your words into this dreamland
and I sure will not like the waking of the sun wear away the beauty of this rare eden. lolz.
Your short precise wording vividly describes the landscape and the elements involved in it
with simple mastery.

play a gentle tune in the background whiles reciting this piece and you can put one into hypnosis. lolz
I love this piece, Ian T.

respects.

WonderGolly

What I love most about POETS is how they write SADNESS with SUNSHINE on their face, caption RAIN with FALLEN EMBERS and paint TEARS using the colours of WATERFALLS:lol

Ian.T

Mon, 2012-05-07 18:07

Ian.T's picture
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This is a total rewrite of a piece I wrote a few weeks ago, as my son calls me Papillon (Butterfly) I wanted to try and feel how it would be on those beautiful wings.
Thank you for your comment, I usually write with music playing in my ears, sometimes someone guides my pen, or the music dictates the rhythm of the piece.
I am so glad that I could be near to your ways by writing words, that is all a poet endeavours to do..
Take care of you out there, Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

author comment

Ian.T

Tue, 2012-05-08 03:56

Ian.T's picture
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I think that laziness took over for this one, where I threw out most of the words that said nothing, then concentrated on the words that described
many things it seems to work. I had written this before but it didn't give that energy it needed, to shrink me onto that wing, and the colours, shapes and the vastness I felt there..
Thanks for dropping in, Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

author comment

Seren

Sat, 2013-04-13 08:40

Seren's picture

So very glad I found this one, lovely piece of writing :) I cannot find anything to suggest to improve it, its a nicely rounded write

kudos

love always JC x

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

Ian.T

Sat, 2013-04-13 14:04

Ian.T's picture
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Now I wonder why I put it back on stream???, well the reason is in that you read it,
I think it went on while you were Ill and had lost access to Neo.
I am glad I did and that you liked it,
It was on nearly a year ago 2012
Thank you, Yours as always Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

author comment

loved

Sat, 2013-04-13 14:31

loved's picture

you are that butterfly,

I always wished to be
in the solemn solitude
of the place where now I be,

yours are the wings
upon which I'd like to fly
as far and further as a butterfly

but take care of my weight,
tis bound to be a strain
that, I can't help
but my aerofoil that helps air to flow
will help relieve my weight
of course that you know

your poetry is like music
even my deaf ears
pick up the string
as in it snows
here in spring....
soft music begins....

loved

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