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Do I Dare?
Do I Dare?
All that would require
Is an unbending desire
To walk out of that bloody door.
But where would you go?
Fear and doubt in a conspiracy,
Whispering abort plans and mutiny,
My dreams now dashed below.
Don’t listen to them!
Hope surging past both,
Go couch surfing at a mates,
Find a-few flats at good rate,
Be gone before I deflate!
Once again I soar past my prison cell,
The happiness tangible and real,
The unbending desire resolute,
I put forward my first foot.
But where would you find the money?
Fear and doubt dripping poisoned honey,
Once again my eyes undergo vertigo,
My dreams again dashed below.
Don’t listen to them!
Hope once again shouts with fervour,
Go find work part-time, it’s easy,
This way you can still go to uni,
Go now before I deflate!
Once again I soar past my prison cell,
The freedom tangible and real,
The unbending desire resolute,
I raise my second foot-
Reality kicks in.
Hope a siren’s call for sailors lost at sea.
Shouting when it should whisper,
To a fledgling who unlearned
His ability to fly.
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words:
I feel the last verse a bit weak.
Editing stage:
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Comments
bossladyone
Thu, 2013-08-08 18:13
vinland
This is a beautiful peace. I feel the emotion you put in it. I like the last verse but to me it sounds like it does not belong to this poem. Like it is another poems beginning or ending. That is the only suggestion I have. Thank you for sharing and keep writing