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Dishonorable Intentions... (Warning Questionable Themes)

Ive watched you in the day,
Ive stalked you in the night.
Ive tried to hide this feeling,
Because the things i want you for arent right.

I am coming to claim you now...
Imagination just isn't enough...
I've snatched you in the moonlight,
And I'm giving it to you rough.
I feel you struggle underneath,
My fantasy, going in so deep.
I make you feel my pleasure,
As you drown below my pressure.

Crying, screaming, moaning,
Elbows, kicks and slaps you're throwing.
I relish the battle you are giving,
For the adrenaline makes life worth living.

Sinning in the dark,
Thrust after thrust,
I've reached the point
Its release or bust.
A punch to my chops,
Cause of momentary stop.
I can feel time elapse,
As you slip from my grasp...

Youre up now on your feet,
Trying to run, or put up a front.
Intoxicated by your body,
I run after you my sweet.
I let you have some false hope...
Revelling in the thrill of the hunt. Holding you down with a sense of urgency,
I steal your body like a victim in emergency.

I'm teasing your body
and you'll try to deny it.
I'm growling and fighting
For just another chance to try it.
Open your legs and give us meaning
Open your legs or I give you a beating.

Your giving up now,
Crying and whining it out.
You're finished fighting.
Trembling and shaking,
My ecstasy we've been making.
And I keep building tension
Until right before I experience a feeling too life changing to mention.

Climactic rendition,
Satisfies my undesirable intentions.
So slobbering and snotty,
I give you back your body.
I leave you until my necessity returns,
Until my body begs and yearns.
And maybe someday,
I'll be back to repeat....
Or I'll move on,
Move on to my next piece of meat...

Style / type: 
Free verse
Last few words: 
I want to be clear I in no way condone rape...but poetry is meant to tell all perceptions of life. I thought about what might cross the mind of such a person and attempted to capture it in this poem. I hope no one thinks less of me for it...
Editing stage: 

Comments

Which is what I suppose you didn't do! This is a taboo-subject world-wide. I didn't think you made a conscious
decision to upset anyone, but, after reading your comment about supposing that other person basically consenting was a silver-lining... For someone who has been raped, the very notion that someone might think that it might be mutually pleasurable, is tantamount to killing grandma because she is too old to take care of herself. Please be more careful of the things you post. ~ Geezer

Our Chatroom is open 24/7 Feel free to use it for
keeping in touch We have poets around the world and it is fun
to have real-time conversations with those that are up
all night or on the other side of the world.
.

When did freedom of expression exit the equation? Not all poetry is flowers and sunshine. The taboo of everything is mostly a matter of human conditioning. Im not justifying this is a happy poem. But at the same time I'm not discrediting the whole thing just because the theme is questionable as you have. Perception plays a role in life. I tried to think of the other side and just because it is the wrong side you have chosen to rape my idea of stepping out of anyones comfort zone and considering the other side. Its not an obvious poem I'll admit. But undermining it because you don't agree with the theme is quite rude. Poe wrote a tell tale heart. A long poem or short story (I forget which off the top of my head) about a murderer...and this poem or story is made to read in middle schools. The wasnt condoning murder he was exploring the other side of it. Now it is considered a classic to the literature world. There is a play called Carmen about basically a prostitute. George Bizet (the composer) wasn't condoning prostitution, he was exploring the idea. If you watch murder detective shows or horror slasher flicks you are not supporting these ideas you are exploring them. Thats all I'm asking you to do when you read this poem. And I'm not saying this is your typical case regarding the theme. In MY vision the victim enjoys it. Im not trying to speak for anyone else. I feel I have done nothing wrong but try to tell the other side. There aren't exactly a whole lot of ways to do that without offending someone. Anyway you slice it someone is going to dislike certain poems. But opinion doesn't mean the poem was poorly written. Or that it didn't get the idea accrost. If you saw in your head what I have written no matter how offended you may be, then I as a poet have succeeded

Unto Oblivion, We Depart

author comment

Here at Neopoet the freedom of expression is
a practice we believe in. Those freedoms go both
ways, you really cannot expect to write a poem about
rape and have everyone accept it merely for it's merit
as literature.

I personally thought the poem to be pretty damn good,
you seem to have delved into the mind of one sick puppy
and to me, that's what poetry is. Poetry is indeed not all
buttercups and butterflies. Poetry can liven up the crowd,
in many ways, this one is a shaker.

thanks for posting

Richard

That is all I was doing. I didn't expect it to make everyone happy but I surely didn't expect the personal insult that was slung at me. I try to go for the poems no one else thinks to write. Its a much more challenging prospect and I feel as though it makes me better as a poet. I didn't mind the opinion that was expressed about it. But the opening stab was utterly uncalled for. I thank you for seeing past the initial jerk reaction to just close down at the disagreeable theme and taking the time to see the poetry. I'll always be happy to hear from you

Unto Oblivion, We Depart

author comment

The theme is one I don't write of and some may dislike it as you can see, Gee is the creator of Killer and I expect that this can cause a little loss of readers, and not be acceptable by some, as with the Digit character who is on holiday at the moment.
But let's look at the piece first then the theme after.
You have mixed the time sequences up as some do when writing of a sequence of events.
There must be a continuation of events, you have been watching to action, the transition was ragged and didn't work, it is like being in two places at the same time, this happens in a few pieces written, jot down a time sequence then join them all up.
I wrote a poem or epic about "Cata" a stone mason that lived for eve I had a lot of research to do to find out the sequences of events in the world to join the story up it was quite a job.
Now to the theme as Gee is aware of the personal happenings in quite a few poets lives here or probably from other places, I know this is from the rapists point of view, but the end is wrong.
It seems to make it look as if it was acceptable by the victim this is where the quandary comes in.
I know you have put it from another point of view but it takes on a different aspect that is frowned on by society in our western world.
I also think that this one is not up to norm, no matter who has written what in the past, as to the victim enjoying it in the end there is no way that this can be a correct version of rape if that is so.
This is going to bring a few strong comments in I should think.
Look forward to other types of themes from you in the future, Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

I will take that into account as I try to capture the complete scene. The time wasnt important when it first started out as I was trying to see if I could even try to put myself in that state of mind. It's much more difficult for me then writing an experience as you said you were in the stone Mason poem. Well just have to hope I can capture this one as efficiently as everyone seems to want. I suppose my attempt at humanity as you said was unrealistic. And therefore a sugar coating of such a dangerous topic. The very thing I was trying not to do. Thank you for reading and taking the time to give suggestions after my initial response to it I was afraid the rest of the world would be too afraid to latch on to it and give their two cents. I think moon man truly understood about the freedom of expression I alluded to I'm my response. I hope you are never afraid to be honest about any theme you see from me no matter how outlandish or cliche as it were. Looking forward to hearing from you again

Unto Oblivion, We Depart

author comment

Person really want the victim to be the victim that bad? The idea that there was never a situation in the history of the world who ended up consenting in the end is that outlandish? I mean if thats really the way everyone wants it I can rewrite it that way...Im sure that will spawn even more debate about it. Not a personal attack on anyone but I just thought some form of humanity for this fictional situation would be a pallet cleanser but no one seems to want it. If you want raw morbid reality ill try to give it to you. I'm just not sure I can delve deep enough to capture the whole thing. I guess well just have to see...give me some time with it.

Unto Oblivion, We Depart

author comment

Mine was a knee-jerk reaction! However, good this poem is technically, it is still one that is very controversial.
Having said that, I was motivated by the reaction of another person who was victimized by a rapist. After reading some of the other comments, I realized that I was a little bit harsh in my critique of your character.
Yes, you have the right to post whatever you like. Just remember that you will get some feedback that will question your motives and mores. I write about a Killer who is a cannibal-chef. I have gotten some hard critique
over the years, but it seems that a murderer of bad-guys who eats his quarry, is more able to be forgiven than a rapist who is embraced by his victim. I guess that maybe the theme of retribution is more palatable. How about writing one that gives the victim the upper-hand? Sorry for the hassle, ~ Geezer

Our Chatroom is open 24/7 Feel free to use it for
keeping in touch We have poets around the world and it is fun
to have real-time conversations with those that are up
all night or on the other side of the world.
.

*sigh of relief* I had already made an enemy not even 3 days into being a member here...I wanted to explore a topic and so I asked a friend. That was the suggestion. I try not to be a conventional person so instead of the obvious of the victim I decided to try the assailants side of this equation...I understand the opinion you have. But I think I did defend my point quite well and hopefully that has contributed to the change of heart. It was very difficult putting myself in those shoes as a romanticist. Still when I got your comment I tried very hard to bite my tongue and not express knee jerk anger and spite. That's why instead I decided to defend poetry and not necessarily myself. Still I do plan to write from all angles and I'm sure one day my fake assailant might find himself the victim in cruel cruel irony. Thank you for being a man and apologizing it means a lot

Unto Oblivion, We Depart

author comment

.....'''And give to you rough.
I want to feel you struggle underneath,
My fantasy is going in so deep.
Ill make you feel the pleasure,
As you drown below my pressure.....'''

they clarified or classified this as rape....
I thought twas sweet and hard porn
but then I am not a metaphorical poet
just straight and blunt

still I like ur wont
be urself about others care you must
but don't...
three years down the lanes
by lanes
much water has flowed down the Mississippi and Thames

but I still afloat remain
despite earning wrath
metaforicully

many a disdain!!
but still kinda happy remain

loved

I'll only say one thing about content here. In my opinion if somebody decides to write on a "taboo" topic such as this, they should do a bit of research first. I doubt any rape victim got pleasure from the crime. But if there have been such cases it would be good to be able to use specific ones as back up.
Now to the technicals.
You have one i which should be I. I'll let you find it lol. Also there's a key on your keyboard which when uses yields an ' (apostrophe). It's right next to the "enter" key. Might want to get used to it when writing contractions. I am aware that a Lot of people start each line with a capital letter. But most of them also use almost no punctuation. Since you Do use punctuation you might want to consider not using capitals at the start of a line unless they are indicated as needed for the start of a new sentence or a proper noun.
I think your mixture of structure rhyme and near free verse might well be an example of the direction poetry is evolving. Freedom of free verse combined with the easy to recall rhyming.............stan

You can never please the crowd if you are trying
to, keep your poetic vision, it has merit. There are
all kinds of people out there, and everything is
permitted.

right ...
learnt my first lessons from him
but he never read me again
I think

loved

I have some advice for you.

Ready?

Don't allow others' opinions to become your censors.

This is good work. I have never been in a rape, not as victim or as attacker, but I must say that you really have captured both sides well enough for me to understand their agony, feelings, and motivations. I don't know about others, but I found no justification or apologizing for rape in this - just a brutal, sick perversion of violence and sexual gratification that you have portrayed extremely well. I got nothing about the victim in this piece except fear, loating, pain and horror. The idea that the victim wanted to be raped and enjoyed it came from the rapist, not the victim, which for me reveals quite a bit about the rapist.

A chilling, horrifying, engrossing tale of true violence, domination, and sick perversion.

Not bad at all.

Keep writing.

Respectfully, Jim

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

I'm glad you enjoyed it. This has been rewritten from the original and I must say Its a whole lot darker then I originally write it to be. Added stanzas and more detail. Based on my comments I realized that the biggest problem people were having was not with most of the poem itself...but they actually seemed to want me to make it darker. So I got into a really dark mood, and went deeper into the mind then I ever thought possible. I ran through the whole thing in my head which I admit was pretty gruesome and I wrote what I saw. The victim did consent in the original poem but as I said to Ian, I was trying to sugarcoat it a little. I don't think anyone necessarily meant black and white to dig deeper...but I think it was more like, if you are going down this road, go all the way and let the acidic truth be told. All in all thank you for reading it. Although I had put that warning on it, I feel as though I may have piqued the curiosity of people. It was there with the best intentions though. I don't know when the next time I will travel down a path so dark. But should I do it, I hope I can make you feel as much as you have.

Unto Oblivion, We Depart

author comment

Good job in describing a rapist's point of view. Just remember when you write this type of poem, you need to be ready to accept harsh critics. While we in Neopoet practice the freedom of expression individually, we have our own limits in how much we accept a taboo theme. You can't please everyone because we all have different perceptions on certain themes. The same goes for our actions. Not everyone can accept us the way we are. The important thing is never to be discouraged by it. Do your best and enjoy learning and living in this short life.\

Alid

I have been reading the revisions on this poem since you first submitted it and I guess now your wondering why I haven't commented on it before, its because your first version and the stanza below incensed me so badly I wanted to do something very unladylike, I have been raped and then held in a house for three days and used at his whim and I know from personal experience that there is no animal instinct that overcomes you when your being raped, there is so much more to it than the physical side of it, there is the mental torture of having your body desecrated and befouled by someone without your permission and then there is the physical side the tears, the cuts, the bruises, the bites and the days that your so sore you can barely move, and then there is the wonder of who could possibly do it to you again

trust is an issue, safety is an issue and will be forever now

I just wanted to share a little of what its like for the victim, the present version of your poem is well thought out and executed I can find nothing technically wrong with it now other than the few points that Stan brought up

(Animal instinct comes over you,
All by yourself you know what to do.
You ride and change positions,
Our release is now your number 1 mission.
I close my eyes and let myself go,
Into the body only i know...)

That stanza enraged me I have to admit but there was also a little overreaction on my part this after all is about poetry but I also think its our job to be the truth tellers and I found your first version very far from the truth

nice work

kind regards Jayne...

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

Seems so safe in comparison to the worldwide base this website has. I asked for a topic. My friend wanted to see if I could step out of my comfort zone and talk about rape. I tried to look at the situation from all angles. Because looking at the black and white is more for realists I feel. When I went to look into this topic I found a lot of condolences for the victims, which I do agree with I want you to know that personally. I can understand these poems and the reason they exist. But I didn't really find any written from the other side...it wasn't that I wanted to tell the story of these type of people...it was the challenge of thinking like someone else that I could never truly relate with. I wanted to see of I could go that dark. Now I'm proud of this poem. Not because the pain it will cause. Not because the compliments but because I captured what I set out for. I wanted honest opinions...and so I brought it here...I was surprised when I was I should rewrite the ending...because the only way to go was deeper into the dark...but after I had gotten all this critique I couldn't just let my idea die...so I took a whole day watching picturing it moment by moment. I am not sure if I could ever come up with something as controversial yet original as this ever again...hopefully I didn't pick at any scabs in writing this and I am sorry about your situation. I hope you do understand what I mean though when I say that I don't feel guilty for writing this poem. I like things that make me feel...scared, depressed, tears of joy....doesn't matter... Like Forrest gump or Benjamin button or even Titanic...not all feelings are positive but they are all feelings none the less. Potent and raw. They are what remind us how simple yet complex we are as humans...even though I know it will never be easy to trust again the heart knows love when it feels it. I hope you luck in your endeavors toward everything. I hope you feel all life's feelings. Still I wish the world would keep just a few to themselves such as the crime committed against you. Good luck with all things and thank you for commenting. I hope I haven't caused any offense in my rambling.

Unto Oblivion, We Depart

author comment

I come from a small town, still do, and I was young and I was in the big city on my own for the first time, my first mistake and then my life was irrevocably changed, in saying that I am not saying that rape happens only in big cities but with greater populations you get a greater percentage of bastards who commit these crimes, I am glad your proud of your baby that's how I think of my poems, as my babies, let free into a virtual world in some ways making a difference, Neopoet is where I put my deepest darkest thoughts, I have family here some I will probably never get to meet but they have and always will be my family, yeah we even have fights sometimes smile, I've written about rape I will go through my folders and find them when time allows, I hope they can in some way shed some light on what its like for the victim

I have never reacted quite as strongly as I did to that one stanza, I was overemotional and a little crazy and that's why I let it boil and simmer as I watched you work on your poem from afar lol hey I am all for saying how it is eh ?

I felt that you had given me such an insight into the poetic process, well I thought you deserved an honest answer, good work and I love that you take your poetry so seriously there are those who don't omg did I just say that haha smiles for miles

take care and keep writing you have a great deal of talent in my unqualified opinion

kindest regards Jayne

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

You have become perpetrator, I suspected it from your first poem.
Grow up. Get a life. Find someone who wants you.
And above all write poetry with generosity, not sinking into the black hole of your own obsession.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

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