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On the difficulty of composition whilst on a train

Lost in a tunnel, I might have seen
That vision once given, may well begin
To seek out a light, that once belonged
To a train coming for us headlong

On a phone as a stranger, in a once known land
Forgive all my errors, please understand
That damn near impossible tasks
Demand - all I can summon
In my current command.

Of sneering devices, devoid of touch
My only hope is that one as such
Repeats a slow mantra that all can see,
Give me pad, pen and paper

Set me free.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
Written on a train - with a dodgy old Android. I have been travelling in Europe, hence the absence. Hopefully you can relate. C
Editing stage: 

Comments

My laptop battery is shot, so I don't take it out much and my phone is just too small to work with for writing; so I jot down ideas for poems on paper [sometimes napkins or scraps of paper bags]!
I can't relate to traveling by train anywhere, let alone out of the country though. I like the rhyme, although the scansion is somewhat ragged. I would suggest that you add or subtract a word or two here and there and it will sing itself to you. Good to hear that you are having a good time traveling and hope you get plenty of ideas to write poetry about! Nice hearing from you. ~ Geezer.
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It will get a tidy up with a firmly held pen, on solid ground (that's not rocking about). :)

Cheers.

Chris.

Chris Hall - Tasmania

Grossbooted draymen rolled barrels dullthudding out of Prince's stores and bumped them up on the brewery float. On the brewery float bumped dullthudding barrels rolled by grossbooted draymen out of Prince's stores.

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