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Democritus unzipped

When grace precedes the sword, shall we learn?

When a poet and prelate and beautiful kin,

learn to lead a nation through adversity

still, shall we learn?

How easy it is to succumb to old pleasures:

the two party seesaw pitches and yawns

the old messengers alight

at conferences from buses

to thunderous applause.

The choice? Two oppressors benign

and brilliant, on message

We all resign and,

tender our forgiveness, four yearly

or there abouts.

X may mark the spot, but

I can sit this one out,

a wallflower at the two party line,

is it a fervent right?

Or, merely a chore amongst thieves?

And aside from this,

who's keeping score?

And scarcer still, believes?

Style / type: 
Free verse
Last few words: 
This is very rough lads and lasses, like democracy itself (Gender pleaser?) - please feel free to rip it apart and re-assemble in way that you deem fits. Very rough.
Editing stage: 

Comments

This is very good, although it took me awhile to get through the double spacing and lack of overall structure.
You said feel free, so I have, although its not something I usually do to other poets' work:
.
* * *
.
When grace precedes sword, shall we learn?
When poet and prelate and beautiful kin
learn to lead a nation through sin,
still, shall we learn?

How easy it is to succumb to old pleasures:
the two-party seesaw pitches and yaws;
the same old messengers alight,
disgorged at conferences from buses
to thunderous applause.

The choice? Two oppressors benign
and brilliant, on message
'til they win and we all resign,
tender our forgiveness, four-yearly
or there abouts.

'X' may mark the spot, but
I can sit this one out,
a wallflower at the two-party line,
is it a fervent right?

Or merely a chore amongst thieves?
Aside from this,
who's keeping score,
and scarcer still, believes?
.
.
.

Respectfully, Jim

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

Thanks for your constructive rebuild and additions. I have to confess, it was very rough and more or less cut and paste (I think/recall) - I haven't been back for while to have a look what's going on, life gets in the way of the web thankfully.This will give me food for thought, and perhaps through some process of collaborative tinkering it might evolve into something more polished? I'm a fledgling on form and structure (perhaps not always a good thing) but it's nice to know someone appreciated it :) - I did intend 'yawns' - it was more a reaction to the banality of or scarcity of real political representation here in Australia, where you are compelled to vote for one corrupt candidate or another via compulsory voting, which is particularly divisive. Luckily, coming from the UK (Scotland anyway) and being only a 'permanent resident', hence: 'I can sit this one out' - I would prefer to be directly politically active in the local community.
Anyway, I'll go off and have another chip away at it over the weekend and check back, also look forward to checking out some of your work too!

Cheers.

Chris.

Chris Hall - Tasmania

Grossbooted draymen rolled barrels dullthudding out of Prince's stores and bumped them up on the brewery float. On the brewery float bumped dullthudding barrels rolled by grossbooted draymen out of Prince's stores.

author comment

are great

though dangerous words

but you do well to expose

loved

it can not disguise your natural gift for poetic language. I look forward to revisions. Do remember to use the 'Edit' tab above the title rather than repost the revision (unless it is so completely different as to be a new poem).

I happen to agree with compulsory voting because even though every moron and his dog votes by the Gospel According to Murdoch, with non-compulsory voting the right wing happen to be better organised and better funded at getting their voters to the booths.

cheers,
Jess
Everything changes except Neopoet's 'Prime Directive'-
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I cut and paste it in a fury of haste. I'll spend some time on this one. I do take the point with compulsory voting, I'm jaded slightly, because being a pom, I have little faith in the electorate and even less faith in the press - and a sense that the whole process is mangled and manufactured between elections, with the apparent left and right throwing the ball to each other every few years, whilst the old prejudices and failings persist. Dad was an old left trades unionist, who lost faith in Labour after they famously became 'New Labour' (I'm surprised it didn't become Labor - blindly clinging to the US ) in the UK with a grinning moronic populist war monger and apologist for the glory of privatization in Blair..oh I go on for hours! Anyway the right to vote, never ensured a vote for rights!
You're correct about the monolithic Murdoch press of course - pretty much seals the deal in terms of any sort of balance, and steam rollered the present wing-nut into power alas.

Thanks for the feedback. Take care.

Cheers.

Chris.

Chris Hall - Tasmania

Grossbooted draymen rolled barrels dullthudding out of Prince's stores and bumped them up on the brewery float. On the brewery float bumped dullthudding barrels rolled by grossbooted draymen out of Prince's stores.

author comment
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