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Deer

There are three females,
coats thick and dark
against the fresh snow.

First the serviceberry bushes,
then the winter ground
feel the gentle wave
of their tongues
as they search for food -

feast of sustenance
during a time of
stark and bare days.

I watch from my window
as one bolts her eyes toward me,
head held high, white tail poised.
She continues to forage the ground
as a male cardinal alights on an empty limb.

***

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Just like the woods and trees, deer change from season to season. It's so wonderful to watch them during this time of year. Their coats are much heavier and darker - beautiful. Poem-worthy!
Thank you, Teddy, for your kind comment!
L

author comment

I have been reading a little poetry by William Carlos Williams who breaks up his stanzas in this way quite a bit. Thought I'd give it a try. I believe you are correct - this piece doesn't seem to flow naturally, though. I will tidy it up! :) Thank you so much for your keen insight and help!
L

author comment

A very accurate snippet of nature. I actually feed and plant food plots for wildlife. And I sit on stand and watch far more deer than I harvest. I'd likely not harvest any but the population around here is on verge of getting out of hand. As to stanzas....perhaps using them as if they are paragraphs would help?

Writing about such things centers me. Most of us in the neighborhood have taken to feeding the deer, also, if nothing more than to keep them from straying outward to busy traffic. The original poem was separated in stanzas of three lines each, with one final line standing alone. I edited since Alan's suggestion, but maybe still not flowing? Thank you for your help!
L

author comment

Hi Lavender;
nice nature poem. I never seriously thought about hunting or killing for sport. why should one? Meat counters are already stocked with choice meats. I enjoy target shooting with bow and arrow, rifle, and my trusty revolvers--oh yeah--once I nailed a large roach on the paper target at 50 feet, which drew some laughter from my buddies who suggested I should mount it in my trophy room. Yours,
Val

So much to just simply sit back and observe within nature!
Sounds like you have sharp eye!
Thank you for reading!
Lavender

author comment

Very realistic and something that everyone should experience at least once in a lifetime. My only criticsm is that I would use [rolls] instead of [bolts] her eyes at me. {Bolts make me think of a mechanical/Frankenstein deer like you find on people's lawns in the holiday season. ~ Geez.
.

Comments and critique are vital to this site!
Even if you just say: I liked this story or your spelling
of a word is wrong, take the time to write a line or two
and comment. Your fellow poets will thank you!
.

I will think over your suggestion - I definitely want the image of a sudden, quick action. You always bring valuable insight to consider, and I thank you very much!
L

author comment

She rolls her eyes toward me, ready to bolt?
~Geez.
.

Comments and critique are vital to this site!
Even if you just say: I liked this story or your spelling
of a word is wrong, take the time to write a line or two
and comment. Your fellow poets will thank you!
.

...I'll think it through a bit!
Thanks, Geezer!
L

author comment
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