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A Deeper Love
Love a feeling that everyone in the world wants, but only thosewho know what it is can define . The type of feeling that is unconditional in every way but is also hard to find to those who have not been convinced on the lie that society has told that love is condensed to a certain type of person or poeple and not on the shared originality that all mankind are born to have. Created by the creator the great of all greats so the beauty that is natural is often overlooked and over taken by a fabricated image covering thee many tears and heartbreaks that was not originally there but once you accept that you are uniquely original love will always be there.
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage:
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Comments
Rula
Tue, 2016-03-15 02:57
welcome
to Neopoet Ashley
Nice words you've composed here yet in prose. In this site we are more concerned in helping each other in improving our poetry, so if you can put your words in verse, we might be able to give a better help.
Welcome again.
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ashley alexander
Tue, 2016-03-15 14:43
I would like to know how to
I would like to know how to put my poem into verse form im not really sure what that means.
author commenteightmenout
Tue, 2016-03-15 15:45
example of verse ( with no changes to content)
Love
a feeling
that everyone in the world wants,
but only those who know what it is can define.
The type of feeling
that is unconditional in every way
but is also hard to find
to those who have not been convinced on the lie
that society has told
that love is condensed
to a certain type of person or poeple
and not on the shared originality
that all mankind are born to have.
Created by the creator,
the great of all greats,
so the beauty that is natural
is often overlooked and over taken
by a fabricated image
covering the many tears
and heartbreaks
that was not originally there
but once you accept
that you are uniquely original
love
will always be there.
Scott
eightmenout
Tue, 2016-03-15 15:47
grammar and typos
Another observation, make sure you proofread before you post to avoid simple does errors like grammar and spelling
Scott
ashley alexander
Tue, 2016-03-15 16:35
Thanks alot i'll make to do
Thanks alot i'll make to do that
author commentlovedly
Tue, 2016-03-15 21:55
I was also about to
so this one now here only edit will you
twll be a blessing for you
I could also do
Love is a feeling
everyone in the world wants,
yet only those who know what it is
can define .
The feeling that is unconditional in every way
but is also hard to with it play
those who have not been convinced
on the lie
that society did try
that love is condensed
to a certain type of person or people
and
not on the shared originality
that all mankind are born to have.
etc rest I leave it for thee..........................>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Created by the creator the great of all greats so the beauty that is natural is often overlooked and over taken by a fabricated image covering thee many tears and heartbreaks that was not originally there but once you accept that you are uniquely original love will always be there.
eightmenout
Tue, 2016-03-15 08:03
Ashley
Welcome. I will echo Rula's comments. Let me know if you'd like some help converting this to poetry.
Scott
lovedly
Tue, 2016-03-15 21:57
texainan
ur a lover
so am I
I have observed
most poets, lovers are Texainians
and here come you
compose free verse
which is of poetic terse
and do not mind
read others,
have all in mind
answer each one who
comments on thine
then only you will be fine
so i will now share with you
my Masters
VOICE
he said in all his life he had known
''LOVE ONLY LIES BETWEEN THE THIGHS '''
ere he died
Of other kinds I have been in search
but old as I now am
still lie nude in lurch
on top of trees I perch
TEXANIAN LOVER SEE ABOVE
Geezer
Tue, 2016-03-15 16:52
Welcome Ashley...
I enjoyed the freeform spirit of the prose that you have chosen here. Rula and Eightmen are right, it's generally easier to help one and another if we have an easy reference point. You seem to have a good deal of potential and I feel that if you write about the things you have a deep emotion and connection with, that you tend to write better. Look around the site, if you find someone whose style you feel a connection with, message them and ask questions about how they do it. I'm sure that most of us would be glad to help in any way that we can. Love is most always thought of as the basic of poetry... and a lot of people say that Awwww, that stuff ain't for me! I tell you, that if you write of the love of anything, being it man, woman, beast or hobby etc, That you can create something beautiful! Write on and again, Welcome! ~ Geezer.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Sparrow
Wed, 2016-03-16 04:48
Ashley
Welcome to Neopoet, I see by the replies to your first write that you are going to have a lot of help.
Your thoughts of love is good, to me the universe is run by unconditional love and there is no greater love than this.
Once any conditions are put on love then it becomes less pure,
Enjoy being with us here and have a great time,
Yours Ian..
.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti
Barbara Writes
Sat, 2016-03-19 21:20
Wonderful
I thought this was a great poem. I like the flow and rhythm. The theme is also one I found intriguing. Welcome to Neopoet
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