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Deceit

Sorry folks. I have dumped this in the trash can. The reasons you can see in the comments by Senior and Seasoned poets who did not find it appealing. So, I bow to the collective opinion all in good taste and without any regret.

Regards,

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
In the last few weeks my continued failures and rank bad attempts at poetry convince me that I don't belong here.in terms of posting any thing worthwhile
Editing stage: 

Comments

Can you say cliché?
This poem has been written a few dozen times... lately. It is a horrible trap for poet's to slip into. When you write something look at it honestly. This is (to use a mean word) clap trap.
The poem is not bad. You have written better.
Had the poem not been written so many times I may have had kinder words.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

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Thank you for your honest criticism. I shall put it in the trash bin after getting more critique or no critique from others. Best wishes to the work shop on critique.

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

this is well written, with great word usage...
but as Wes says, it is rather cliche

that doesn't mean it is not a good write... just ho hum been done before...
and, also - I'm not into love poetry that much... it has to be pretty powerful for me to be impresssed, so my opinion will probably mean zilch to those who do like this genre... and in that case would like this

I really do like the word usage, as i said...
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

I don't know about Judyanne, but I see sir Wesley is well prepared for the "critique and criticism WS". I love the word choice and how you've put it.

Call me an old fashioned and give me more:).

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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It has the ingredients to create a poem completely free of cliche. I enjoyed the read but as I went I changed a few words, but if I am honest I dislike being as brutal as Wesley - this is not a criticism of Wesley though! I am a coward in this department!

Namaste,

Lenny

_________________________________________
"Death" is nonsense: what is there to die?
"Life"? How could " life" "die"? That is a contradiction
in terms. Can "light" become "darkness"?
"Light" can only cease to be apparent

Wei Wu Wei

Thank you all for your honest critique. I have noted your very modest gesture of disapproval. All in all I now realize that it lacks poetic fervor and appeal and worth dumping it in the trash can.

Best regards & thanks again,

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

It is part of you right now and will be precious someday.
Please, trust an old man who did not trash anything.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

Screw them, I've not read the poem but stick to your guns. Take the poem back to the writing table and cogitate. there maybe something in it you can work with. never destroy your work under the duress of popular oppinion. Some of the most beautiful, meaningful poems have a simple theme. Good luck with your writing.

John

is not a dump site it is a workshop type place. It is much easier to delete something you are unhappy with than it is to step back, study it and then try to make it better. And especially in the case that a poem has personal appeal to the writer, it should Not be deleted. Let it sit for some time then return to it with fresh eyes and don't be discouraged if it takes multiple edits over a long period of time before you're happy with it. Hell, I just edited the 2nd poem I ever posted here lol.......stan

You have everyone screaming.
Do not trash the work.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

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