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Dead Like You
Why would I want to feel
dead like you? I suspect it
every day, my days are so more
threatening now since your evil
is here to stay.
Does the devil have a plan
for you are you his right hand man?
There is now just something about
you that I don't understand.
I try to hold on to the life
you might still have inside but
when I smell the stench of death
I know you won't be hard to find.
Thank God I'm not dead like you
but I feel like I'm getting there
I'ts hard to wake I'ts hard to shake
the fact that you're not there.
The smell of your corpse it lingers
with the evil deep inside.
I'll help you with your demons
if you want to try.
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
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Is the internal logic consistent?
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Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
Rosewood Apothecary
Thu, 2023-02-09 06:00
Another great job
Again for my tastes, I’d move some things around specifically that first stanza. The remainder of the poem is organized very well. I definitely always love the words that you write. I love the self reflection evident as a running theme.
Tim
M4GG0TM3NT4L
Thu, 2023-02-09 14:46
oh yeah, this is it
wooooooooah boy,, this struck a chord w/ me. amazing!! the language use, basically everything imo. i can see this being a song or something
-m4gg0t was here
you could call me soph if you'd like.
The phantom of the opera is there. Inside my mind.