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Darling

Darling,
why are you so beautiful today?

Has the sun's flair
woven with golden strands
a pearl so fair

Your glow has shone the space
the moon has become the face
graciously dimpled with smiles;
a tempting grace

You become the hunter's bait
and my forever's fate

It's not that we haven't been in a long love affair
but Palestine,
you are especially beautiful today.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
Still working with the first stanza
Editing stage: 

Comments

I have no news of Palestine, sis so this piece makes me wonder what has happened there.

Alid

This is a different take from you Rula...I could neither understand the form nor where the poem was heading...perhaps i am an exception who could not connect with the poem...quite unRula like ..

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

Your comment adds to the confusion. There is no special form.
You might say free verse with rhymes.
I didn't know it is that bad.
Would appreciate pointing out the weaknesses. I mean if you can elaborate, please. I'm having a hard time with writing.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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author comment

Rula,ok it's a free form but the problem is that I am myself confused as to why I am finding it unRula like..if I knew i would certainly have pointed it out....so please do not read too muuch into my comment...go by the shout of others..

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

It's not suitable to put something that is supposed to be sorta of patriotic in a romantic frame?
Could it be?

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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author comment

No, I didn't mean that Rula. Honestly, I am still not able to put a finger on something which made me feel this poem to be unRulaish. Again, please don't go by my amateur comment, listen to the shout of others..

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

You might call it the longing for Home. However there's much is going on there every day especially in Jerusalem after having Al-Alaqsa mosque been profaned more than once last week.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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author comment

The love of ones country is always there deep in the thoughts especially if it is under stress.
One of my old atlases has a page of Palestine so I fully feel for you.
I am not sure what to say about it really like Ireland will the memory go on for 400 years where it makes children throw stones at soldiers.
It is a sad world that we live in young lady if only they would use the internet to teach useful things and TV to stop inciting war in all regions.
I have no problem in loving your people or any people so why are we bombarded with hate each day or the thoughts of revenge, can we not use our brains anymore.
Maybe we need a new religion or something to replace all religions where we are here for the betterment of each other then we could make this lovely planet into a paradise.
Take care young lady, and let your tears be hidden in case they affect the young into anger..
Yours as always Ian.xx

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

Echo....as always Ian.xx

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

I appreciate your time and the kind words. Always do.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

author comment

I fully understand loving one's country but..........a country with pure gold locks and skin so fair? We just finished a metaphor shop and you can surely find a better way of saying this."those waves of golden grain" and " green rolling hills" comes to mind. I'm sure you can do better...............of course I've never BEEN to Palestine, perhaps it Is wall to wall with people with golden hair and fair skin lol............stan

and many thanks for your thoughts. I think it was hard for the western reader to capture the twist that I wanted here, or may be I wasn't successful enough in the way I used my metaphor. But Palestine could both refer to the Country and it is also a girl's name, so I wanted to put the reader in the mood that the author is flirting a girl.
BTW, we have blonde girls with blue eyes and fair skin in Palestine. Sometimes you'd think they are some western ones. Might not be from Wall to Wall, but they are there anyway.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
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author comment

This is what I found about the word strand:A poetic term for a shore (as the area periodically covered and uncovered by the tides)
so do you think that the metaphor works better now?

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

author comment

While I was in the UAR there was a lady from India or Pakistan, she had the most beautiful blue eyes, yet her skin colour was of that region.
It was a lovely combination and I was told that there is a region in one of those countries where blue eyes are prevalent.
I also see many golden haired children from the Middle East they are so lovely as are all of our children.
As I have said many times we need a new world order that teaches respect and love of all people, then all the terror groups would lose their point of being,
Take care young Lady, Yours Ian..

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

I think i can now give you may be some useful suggestions..

how about beginning it with a clue "Oh my Darling Palestine"?....i will come up with more after absorbing a little more of the essence of your poem ...

raj (sublime_ocean)

as I said above, I wanted to keep the name at the end as a twist.
your thoughts?

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

author comment

means a lover guy is addressing his loved one
so above suggestions may be valid
suggest Rula u may edit
for freedom about love of ur country
write something
peculiarly handsome
why get into a discussion

I've done some edits. I was trying to explain my point of view. My aim was to clarify my intent, so that it would become easier for others to help me with their suggestions.
I really appreciate your kind visit and the thoughts. Thank you.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

author comment

"especially"
I liked this one much....how it was mysterious
some elements

hunter bait. my forever's fate

its a break from the..all my tomorrow's
its clever

ah love the additional comment to the poem
"baiting the question"

personally I would find the repetition of the
beginning statement
with all the riddle of the middle unhappy
making for me the poem in that manner
this ending elevates the poem
its still the same emphasis but more
personal
like dropping an octave in a voice
literally dropping the mood
of the implied intimacy of the beginning
its a happy feeling..a carefree sense
overall
a commitment feel
ending

a mature poem in this manner
thats my personal feeling for this poem
but I like your style and use of word
and structure of your poetry

thank U

"specially" / "especially" I think both work.
I have considered your and others suggestions.
You are really precious all.
Hope this reads better now. I think I am feeling much comfortable with it now.

Still welcome any comments. When it is related to Palestine, I always wanted PERFECT.
A big thank you to all who helped with this.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
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author comment

I enjoyed this Rula, very Shakesperian and a lot easier to read.

So happy to have a new visitor.
Highly appreciate it.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

author comment

I have to say I love this poem .. you may not rhyme ? But theres a different you here on the page .. I see a whimsical side of you here

And I LOVE it !!!!

A favourite of yours now

Love Jayne xxx

P.s. you don't have to rhyme to write meaningful poetry .. and sometimes by rhyming all the time you get stuck in the role of being predominantly a rhymer .. hence why I stopped writing so much rhyme ..

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

Whimsical it IS I guess. This is what raj thinks too.
I very much appreciate your visit especially these days. Really it means me a lot my friend.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

author comment
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