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DARK COUNTRY

Before Faraday came and left
We lit torches, held up candles
Oil lamp led through winding pathways
Darkness hung on the murky night

Passion struck in lightening glare
The earth magnetized, pulled and pushed
Hinted the imminent discharge
Darkness pushed by force of voltage

We built huge dams and gas turbines
To provoke the power of light
As it’s done elsewhere all over
In the advanced world of men

We have a sad situation here
You see, nothing seems to work
Only second-hand flake machines
Imagine the ocean of wasted fuel

Take the cost of running generators
Carbon monoxide pollution
Dancing in heat with mosquitoes
Amongst the world’s proud black people

Our nation’s electric company
Never expect power always
For it holds what it cannot give
A problem has changed its name here

You hear all sorts of acronyms
Echo, Charlie and November
Light candles for ineptitude
Our world is in total darkness

They say you are the giant here
Heart of African Continent
Where I am is a dark country
Searching for light in daylight hours

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
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What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
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Comments

A world of sad things that we have no control over.
Well written there in the dark..lol
I am aware of the troubles that a lot of Africa has with power and its production and its distribution.
It is so sad when we see a satellite picture of the world at night, and see all the lights shinning sending out a false message to the viewer, this is where you can become rich, never forget that all those light can be switched of by our friendly sun should it feel to do so then where would we be, lighting candles and Oil lamps as long as the oil lasted, Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

in the dark corner where I hide, with black board and charcoal in my hands , I beg the friendly sun to stay on, even at night, to let me write for the appreciation of those who encourage me and give me hope. Thank you and best wishes.

tr

A rekindled faith - Dancing in the Light

author comment

Even this poem, where I have advised you before to make your poetry a more personal experience, or a narrative one, is immensely powerful.

I believe you are one of the greatest African poets I have read and if you ever publish I will sell one of my sisters if need be to buy the book [not really, but I might forgo food for a week]

All poetry is political, we only avoid dogma or party lines, and yours speaks such a truth that can not be avoided.

You are no longer my protegee, you have surpassed me as a poet and I am proud.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

But for the distance, I would have arranged for classes to meet with you on regular basis. As I can not do this right now, I should endeavor to keep in touch and have your comments whenever you have the time to do so. Your interest in my pieces has help me a lot and I am grateful. I believe there are more to learn from you.

On the political subjects, they creep into my pieces because the environment is littered with abuses human right violations from those entrusted to make things work.

On publishing, I am hoping that one day, these pieces will come out in book forms. Thank you for everything and best wishes.

tr

A rekindled faith - Dancing in the Light

author comment

and of course your poetry must remain political, see the last comment I left on your other most recent poem. Africa is the digging ground for wealth and labour that both the East and West exploit.

At the end of this year I will be free-er of my own financial binds and might be able to not just visit, but participate in your struggle to stop being the Northern Hemisphere's cheap resource.

With love and solidarity,

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

To have you in flesh and blood and show you around on a guided tour, then sit in, at least one class session,to learn and say, I have been formally trained as a poet. My hope is alive and better days are coming, thank you and best wishes.

tr

A rekindled faith - Dancing in the Light

author comment

but I would love to come.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

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