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Damn Them

Why Me
 
The hideous noise is back again
Ripping my thoughts to shreds
Just leave me alone go away
At night and then, now in the day
 
No matter how much I scream
My sleep is tortured with the same dream
Over and over it tips my mind
I left my mates there behind
 
Creeping Barrages they knew
How to make a strong man weep
Splintered metal toward me did creep
Yet my friend always came through
 
Why did he stare with vacant gaze
His sunken eyes unblinking looking me?
Just a dirty head laying in dirty snow
can this be the reality of friends at war. 
 
How did this happen to us?
I watched the horror of my friends
Ripped and torn from my life each day
There death infested their untimely ends.
 
Clouds of gas would roll raggedly in
taking many screaming and gurgling away
how could man learn or think to pray?
There was no God with us today?
 
A figure head they told us was true
He took many of my friends, then took you
It is a farce that they taunt us with praying so
Damn them to their hell, where they will go
 
Let the bastards come and join us as we were
Trenches dug and as ditches made us despair
As ditches so the water flowed, in muddied slime
We struggled then but now it is in my dreams
 
I smile when I hear those bloodied words
Saying where my friends would not grow old
I cannot tell you in your cosy rooms
How we grew old too bloody soon 
 
Standing knee deep in the slime each day
Watching friends being snatched away
I had to stand there and just watch them die
making me live in memories hell, did I survive?
 
A scratched leg, I was broken and sent home
those deathly faces never leave me alone
I limp my way to ration halls hell
Yet you my friends in putrid trenches dwell.
 
Help me, help me, to come to terms
with you my living dead, I left behind
let them now find that eternal rest
tell them please sorry, I tried my best.
 
They never returned to talk to me
Of the life they had, and Spirits free
My anguish, is this the payment
I deserve for walking here tormented.
 
I will now return to them once again
to wash their stones, they look the same
Row on row, I see now the pain grows
forgive me for being so painfully alive.
 
I sometimes as the night draws in
Wish that I could have stayed with you
Or at least come back to you again
To share that pain and quiet end
 
It hurts me more as my time limps by
I tried my best, only you see me cry
One day when in reckoning we meet
Remembering when life was so sweet. 

Before we went away

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
Extensively edited as per suggestions, and dear loved that war was cruel to all and not what they said a war to end wars, we never learn, a fox hole is still the same. Yours Ian.T More edits and additions, maybe it is a piece too hard for me to even think I could be there with them!!!!
Editing stage: 

Comments

You're talking universal theme Ian. War is a glass all have drunk from. It's sour and painful.
The only verse that I don't agree with you here is that God wasn't with us.
God has nothing to do with wars. Man has.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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This was a take on WW1 where as we know God was on both sides or so it seemed, probably should have left him out of it, but that was war in those days always with God on your side.
We have to blame someone young lady and that is the prime person who rarely answers back.
Most times over the years all wars were Holy wars as they mostly ran the people that fought though those in high places used the masses as puppets as they do now to promote their own ends.
Take care young lady, thinking of you, Yours Ian .T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

author comment

Sure, it deals with survivors guilt and post traumatic stress disorder, and as such needs more of the intensity of anguish.

Let loose on this, use strong language if it helps. The plight of survivors and sufferers of PTSD is only barely beginning to be addressed to this present day. More blood, guts and angst. Visualise Edvard Munch's "The Scream" as you re-write it.
https://soundcloud.com/user536630132/why-me-by-ian-t

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

I will as soon as possible rewrite this in its harsh reality, thanks for the read and most useful comment,
Will talk later, Yours Ian ..

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

author comment

in a state of war trauma
so it seems
ask saddie to relieveu
from it
ur now in ur seventies

I have never been to war so no PTS I just write poetry or stories from within lol.
Take care young Bard, and thanks for your concern, I am fine.
Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

author comment

ur just an A C T O R of poetry
like I

great minds think alike u and I

Poetry can be a truth, but I have too many of those so I now invent stories for you to think on, Take care young Bard, thinking of you for a moment or two, just can't stay as I have many people to visit today, Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

author comment

PTSD is nor suffered just by those who have been to war. Any traumatic experience, especially ongoing, can cause it This poem can be seen as allegory although, as I say, I feel it needs more oomph.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

I will have another go at the words and stanzas and show the anguish a little more, it is hard on how far to go with these things.
The feelings creep in and stand there in front of your face .
I have worked with the guy's in Africa who have been on ops and are nearly shattered inside. I can only try to do them justice, but as you said it still needs more of the screaming inside that I know I have seen.
Thanks for your second visit, not sure what ails Loved and am at a loss as to why he had to change the name used.
I think I changed from Yenti to Ian.T when I had a problem but it matters not, he wrote a reasonable piece the other day not sure if you saw it.
Anyway that will do, thanks again and take care of you,
Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

author comment

I'm thinking that most of the omitted punctuation was left out on purpose in order to add a more disorganized feel to this poem. Even so, I think you might consider putting apostrophes in all possessive words.
In stanza 3 try "would creep" instead of "did creep"... sounds a bit less forced imho.
stanza 6 , I'm pretty sure you Meant "there death..." but there's another their really close by...maybe try where or when death to avoid a close phonic repetition.
Stanza 14 "they look the same" .....hmmm.....Perhaps a better way to say they look the same but aren't would be to just say "none the same" as it allows the reader to fill in the difference which in inferred in the next line.
Trying to convey the horror of war is extremely difficult but this , I think< gets pretty close. I would suggest you let this rest a week or so then revisit it before making any major changes............stan

as usual your corrections are tops, I shall heed your advice and leave any corrections for a week or so, at least it will bring it back to the top of the stream again lol.
Thanks again your work is great, will talk later, my love to you both,
Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

author comment

When one thinks of wars one bloody truth is revealed which is unquenchable greed for power, money, and so on which is such an overpowering lust that one loses track of all sensitivities ...however you have shown great sensitivity and humane nature to once again write about these bashful inhuman atrocious acts....

I am sure you will be working on the flow and cadence to make it easy on tongue...

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

I have seen the effect that fighting has on people and the way they act after and during combat, but it is so hard to be there in their minds sway.
I don't care about those that sit in their lovely mansions and send young men out to die, it would be better that they should fight in an arena with all the young lads watching them and laughing.
It is one of my bug bears as we say to not like the way things are in war zones and who should be there.
Thanks for your visit and valid comment, Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

author comment

a poem so full of imagery and emotion. This edited poetry on a survivor of war is a masterpiece to me.

Alid

This one came from that face on the head just laying there looking at me, it didn't leave until it was written of and that was years ago, thanks due to Jess and Stan for their combined suggestions and edits.
This is why we have Neopoet it is to improve our works and go forward.
Thanks for your visit, so glad you can have the time to join us, Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

author comment
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