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CROW?
A crow coasts slowly overhead
chasing its shadow on the ground.
It's dull black wings totally spread
in a tattered sky without a sound.
Would that I could fly like him
higher, higher, higher still
until earth's details become dim
with no promises to fulfill.
Where , I wonder, might he be bound?
Is he carrying a soul to the other side
through some portal he has found
where all passed folks will abide?
Likely he's searching for a field
of recently harvested corn
hoping the waste there will yield
an easy meal this winter morn.
I watch until he fades away
then I flex my neck and blink
as a sudden wind makes tree tops sway.
After all it was just a crow....I think.
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
Triskelion
Thu, 2022-02-10 13:19
Check line 10
Carrying a should? Should be soul. Nice poem. Really enjoy the rhythm and rhyme
Thomas
.
.
...so like my lost dreams...the flood
scribbler
Thu, 2022-02-10 13:21
LOL
The typo strikes again . Thanks for the visit and eagle eye
author commentGeezer
Fri, 2022-02-11 09:05
Many mornings...
I have seen this specter gliding over a damp, cold field off to who knows where; the early bird or the outcast, who flies over like a harbinger of a bad day. I think that rather than [dull] wings, I would make them black or maybe even dull black, and [fully] spread. The third [higher] just doesn't quite fit, I think that [higher and higher] makes the rhythm and meter better.
As per always, you bring a hidden world to light, where not many others tramp, fly and float. Thank you, ~ Geez.
It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?
scribbler
Sat, 2022-02-12 09:16
Hi Geez
As always I appreciate your visit. I like the dull black idea but think I'm gonna keep the 3rd "higher" read it out loud and see what you think
author commentGeezer
Sat, 2022-02-12 13:19
I did read it...
before, but as I read it again, I finally found the right way to read it. ~ Geez.
.
It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?
scribbler
Sat, 2022-02-12 23:29
Glad
I wasn't imagining I had it right lol
author commentlovedly
Fri, 2022-02-11 16:25
crows fly low
could be blindish tho
eagles like me site all typos
Stan you know
long distance I fly
why like a black crow die
I love your poetry that's why
as you away from mine
fly
scribbler
Sat, 2022-02-12 09:17
Hi loved
Thanks for taking time to visit. Alas the world has kept me away more than would be good
author commentTriskelion
Sat, 2022-02-12 01:22
Nitpicking, but
line 9 is grammatically incorrect also, let's see if you can find it.
Thomas
.
.
...so like my lost dreams...the flood
scribbler
Sat, 2022-02-12 09:18
Hi Thomas
Not nit picking at all. I found this line awkward from the start. But I think I got it fixed now
author comment