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CROW?

Submitted by scribbler on Thu, 2022-02-10 12:35

A crow coasts slowly overhead
chasing its shadow on the ground.
It's dull black wings totally spread
in a tattered sky without a sound.

Would that I could fly like him
higher, higher, higher still
until earth's details become dim
with no promises to fulfill.

Where , I wonder, might he be bound?
Is he carrying a soul to the other side
through some portal he has found
where all of those passed will abide?

Likely he's searching for a field
of recently harvested corn
hoping the waste there will yield
an easy meal this winter morn.

I watch until he fades away
then I flex my neck and blink
as a sudden wind makes tree tops sway.
After all it was just a crow....I think.

Review Request (Intensity):

I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing stage:

Editing - rough draft

Content level:

Not Explicit Content

Comments

Triskelion

Thu, 2022-02-10 13:19

Check line 10

Carrying a should? Should be soul. Nice poem. Really enjoy the rhythm and rhyme

Thomas

.
.

...so like my lost dreams...the flood

scribbler

Thu, 2022-02-10 13:21

LOL

The typo strikes again . Thanks for the visit and eagle eye

author comment

Geezer

Fri, 2022-02-11 09:05

I have seen this specter gliding over a damp, cold field off to who knows where; the early bird or the outcast, who flies over like a harbinger of a bad day. I think that rather than [dull] wings, I would make them black or maybe even dull black, and [fully] spread. The third [higher] just doesn't quite fit, I think that [higher and higher] makes the rhythm and meter better.

As per always, you bring a hidden world to light, where not many others tramp, fly and float. Thank you, ~ Geez.

Writing purely for oneself, is the ultimate in defensive posture.

scribbler

Sat, 2022-02-12 09:16

Hi Geez

As always I appreciate your visit. I like the dull black idea but think I'm gonna keep the 3rd "higher" read it out loud and see what you think

author comment

Geezer

Sat, 2022-02-12 13:19

I did read it...

before, but as I read it again, I finally found the right way to read it. ~ Geez.
.

Writing purely for oneself, is the ultimate in defensive posture.

scribbler

Sat, 2022-02-12 23:29

Glad

I wasn't imagining I had it right lol

author comment

lovedly

Fri, 2022-02-11 16:25

crows fly low

could be blindish tho
eagles like me site all typos
Stan you know
long distance I fly
why like a black crow die
I love your poetry that's why
as you away from mine
fly