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Couch 1 - free verse (an exploration of style, subject and critique WS)

To couch it in unmistakable terms -
it's the lair of an untamed beast;
what a leaf does while fermenting
in a decomposing heap;
and the tool of a psychiatrist.

It's an indirect expression;
a bending of the head;
a lurking or a hiding,
with ambush imminent;
'tis when the sword is lowered for attack.

It's the frame the barley
is malted on
when brewing my favourite drink.

'Tis the board on which
the soggy pulp's
turned into paper sheets.

It's the primer made to prepare for painting of
fine art's fantasies,

and it is my seat of leisure,
where I read, write, dream
and think.
.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

I'm sorry for coming late to your piece. I wasn't sure we are to start the critique right away. Anyway, right to the poem.
I thought the title is very suitable though very typical, but it is a good one to tell the reader what is it all about.

The opening lines, have really some awesome imagery, I found the language usage after that, however profound yet a bit flowery in many lines which makes it a hard bite sometimes. Only me perhaps.
Other than that a very powerful imagery for a subject like a couch.
Well done!!

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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As for the title - it is my subject. And as I'm listing all the meanings of the word 'couch', I thought that apt for the title.

I've since decided that I am going to title all three WS poems as 'couch' ( 1, 2 and 3) and form.
I've gone back and added '1 - free verse', to this)

Flowery language? Certainly never meant for that - lol, I hate flowery language. Could you please tell me which parts you thought were?

Love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

As for the title, I of course understand. I also did the same. However, as we have just finished with Stan's title's workshop, I thought I should give mine a more subtle one. Still looking for a one.

As for the language, I am sure it's only me as I see no one mentioned it. I especially was refering to

"It's the frame the barley
is malted on
when brewing my favourite drink."

" 'Tis the board on which
the soggy pulp's
turned into paper sheets"

Still a lovely read.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

This is well constructed and entertaining to read.

I just wanted it to take me somewhere other than a ode to furniture.

I wanted more purpose behind it.

I realize this may be harsh, but this is the Shark Pool, and I wanted more of you in the poem.

---------------------------------------------------------

Jonathan Moore

and there I was thinking that I'd been quite clever in listing every meaning of the word 'couch'
- it's not really just an ode to furniture Jonathon
Thanks anyway
Love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

to my eye i found many lines in between the lines in the verses you have brewed of which i like the flavor..

raj (sublime_ocean)

Thank so much for the visit and very kind comment
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

a well disguised list poem but a list poem nonetheless. Could use a bit of personalization. e.g.. when talking about "couch" being the piece of furniture why not tell about being weary as well as just how the couch relaxes you. ............stan

Well, I think that I insinuate all you have said I should say, with my last stanza...
but I will think on it....
Thanks for the suggestion
Love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

I like it but maybe you can have a better title that is more err interesting or not so obvious which can bait the curiousity of the readers?hmmmm

Alid

As for the title, I am listing the meanings of the word, so I still think the title fits.... but the main reason I simply used the subject as the title, is that I intend to use it for all the poems I submit to this shop.... many reasons, but the main one being that these are off the cuff poems, and I want to differentiate them as WS...

Your thoughts appreciated, however.
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

I need a different term, but my intent is to describe a cleverly crafted line with a bit of a twist and turn as would be heard in my music... poetic and audio.
What can I say Judyanne... I may not be your biggest fan, but whoever he/she may be they are not coming to the fan club meetings.

The examples that Rula did not care for are my favorites.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

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For the supportive comments,
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment
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