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Conversations worth having with a priest, friend or therapist; depending on wherever you gleam the most comfort.

Submitted by riotface97 on Sun, 2017-07-23 05:03

Oh,
I don't know,
I just feel like I've been drifting.
Sometimes.

And oh,
yes I know,
its not original nor a rarity,
but its how I've been feeling,
if you know what I mean.

The type of sentiment that'll have
therapists prescribing God.
Ha,
if only it was ever that simple.

And my Grade 12 teacher,
warned not to write
emotion-filled poetry.

Telling me, instead, I was admired for wit;
and should consider replicating that.

I appreciate the thought, but what she didn't quite get,
is that I was never out for admiration.

I just wanted to be understood.

And I never found solace in the comforts of alcohol,
embrace so fleeting,
so farcical,
so perverse.
It's probably a good thing, come to think of it.

Oh,
and I know,
this is just a symptom of one's 20s.
But something about this all seems so,
permanent.
Can you blame a soul for indifference,
in face of all of that?

Drifting.
Like a couple, known, to fraught-laden tones
hushed round a table at the back of a bar.
Like a sole, red balloon,
let loose from loose fingertips,
drifting up aimlessly,
high above the clouds.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
I wrote this piece in defiance of a growing sense of doubt towards the validity of my style of poetry. It's a struggle sometimes to write without caving into the collective perceptions, and restrictions, on what is deemed to be of worth in this, and all art forms. I don't want to ever write based on that. I want to continue practicing this form solely for its own sake. This is where this came from. Thanks for giving it a read, Nicholas.
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

brittle light

Sun, 2017-07-23 07:45

brittle light's picture

I like this kind of style
the stanza about the alcohol wasn't as interesting though, and seems unnecessary
the last stanza: could be more ethereal, reflecting your state of mind...kind of wandering
something like this: ( leave out the bit about the couple)

aimless
as a sole red balloon
loosed from fingertips

drifting

I really don't like telling anyone how to write their stuff
but sometimes something very specific in a piece strikes me enough to offer my sincere thoughts
I hope you don't mind

I liked this poem

Al

lovedly

Sun, 2017-07-23 16:49

lovedly's picture

Nicky your just 18

If you have read most or few of my poetry ....you will find each one is as different ..as clouds are in heaven or ...as a hand of cards is dealt ...in life just for once
You have to be an outstanding guy
and you needn't tell anyone why
you be not shy the sky is so high .....
many think they were born at height of ten times Everest
I wonder if you have a hill that high in Down Under
where so many of my poets friends wander
of all kinds and superlatives
each one is a wonder
I handle them all differently
most love me
a few may not be
but then am I the ALPS
guess for me

your poetry is outstanding
as much as I am
OUT STANDING
not the one who will be missed
but some will read me still
and
I hope you will
Nicky

I will convert this to poetry soonly
only if you reply me
rarely you do.
.I am the NIagara of the West
how I wish you also knew

nicky you are lovely
yes lovely in poetry
must be otherwise also
being an Aussie
DOWN UNDER
we know all ye

lovedly

Sun, 2017-07-23 16:59

lovedly's picture

Nicky your just 18

If you have read most or few of my poetry
you will find each one is as different...
as clouds are in heaven
or
as a hand of cards is dealt...
in life just for once

You have to be an outstanding guy
and you needn't tell anyone why
you be not shy the sky is so high.

many think they were born
at height of ten times
Everest

I wonder if you have a hill
High enough in Down Under
where, so many of my poet’s friends wander
of all kinds and superlatives

each one is a wonder
I handle them all differently
most love me
a few may not be
but then am I the
ALPS
guess for me

Your poetry is outstanding
as much as I am
OUT STANDING
not the one who will be missed
but some will read me still
and
I hope you will
Nicky

I will convert this to poetry soonly
only if you reply me
rarely do you.

I is the Niagara of the West
how I wish you also knew

Nicky you are lovely
yes, lovely in poetry
must be otherwise also
being an Aussie
DOWN UNDER
we know all ye

Eumolpus

Mon, 2017-07-24 00:31

Eumolpus's picture

I live your poem. I really enjoyed reading your profile...introvert indeed!

Your writing here is of course very theatrical, a stand-up monologue, and that style is very fun, and fun is good too! I like the title. I think the poem is made by the balloon reference in the last stanza, sometimes it just takes one good image to set the poem off, and that image is great, and make the whole work..poetic.

Good that you like Cummings, as i do, but I would also recommend the Beat Poets, especially Ferlinghetti and his crowd, especially Frank O'hara. Similar approaches twith a very conversational approach but with charged up words and ideas.

I agree with Brittle Bright concerning the alcohol- I don't drink, I hate what it does to people (who doesn't know somebody, friend or family, not ruined by it) so I agree with you, but since most people do drink, as often as possible, we are in a minority...it does not add to the poem.Also the couple, not so much drifting as bickering with their frost laden tones..doesn't fit with the lovely image of the red balloon and our physically feeling the strings release into space...we feel that.

Anyway, just a caution...as you get older you keep on drifting. When you retire they give you a compass.
.

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

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