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Confused

Submitted by Kent on Tue, 2017-06-13 13:05

I want!
i want!
The garden where the fruits Are!
An after life enjoyment

i want!
i want!
The worldly enjoyment
what makes this world go round

I want!
I want!
if there is a world after this
Where my soul is understood

Don't judge me!
A Kubolor speaks!

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Contest: 
JULY CONTEST

Comments

wesley snow

Tue, 2017-06-13 13:27

wesley snow's picture
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Welcome to NeoPoet. A good early post. I don't care for free verse, but this is well formed and unique. I hope you are willing to try a structured western poem as well. To "stretch your wings", so to speak.

See you on other poet's work I hope. This is a workshop environment and invites critique from all its members. Go for it and let them know what you think.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

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Geezer

Wed, 2017-06-14 14:33

Geezer's picture
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the poem. Just wondering about the Kubolor bit. I looked it up and understand who he is, but not why you reference him. Unless it is about his art? Good work, nothing to crit. ~ Geezer.
.

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