Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

The Confounding Flower

The grandest moon tulip grew
in the far reaches of the willows .
The shadows of the trees knew,
if they were to shrink and billow,
the tulip,moon, was sure to undo.

But the shadows became hugely spiteful.
Why should they focus on her refuge,
allowing the tulip to flourish at nightfall?

The shadows told the willows,
The willows told the sun,
who grew all the brighter
to dismantle her fun.

The shadows became faint
allowing the sun its un-gate.
But the she-flower did not wilt,
she took her meek petals
and simply rebuilt.

Bright yellow lamella fill the sky
moon tulip reaching twice as high
As the willows around her cower,

she now stands a grand sunflower.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Thank you so much for your kind reply! It means a lot that you enjoyed my imagery and rhyming!

-{Madeline With Love ♥}

author comment

reading your poem has been a real pleasure. Jerry/Van

Thank you dearly for your kind words!

-{Madeline With Love ♥}

author comment

this, as I see a metaphor here; about a girl that was told that she couldn't and shouldn't try. Yet she adapted to every scene and obstacle placed in her way and prevailed! Very nicely done! Your title convinced me to read it, [so, good title], your pacing was right on and I saw the logic right away! Are Moon Tulips the same as Moon Flowers? I had some at a place that I lived in and they grew in the shadowed alley alongside my house where they got maybe an hour or two of sun a day and a plentiful supply of water, right next to the water spigot [which leaked slightly]. They were a gorgeous creamy-white and bloomed most of the summer, every night. Funny thing, whenever they closed up during the day, one always stayed open and at night, one always stayed closed! Nice work and thanks for bringing back that memory! ~ Geezer.
.

Comments and critique are vital to this site!
Even if you just say: I liked this story or your spelling
of a word is wrong, take the time to write a line or two
and comment. Your fellow poets will thank you!
.

Thank you so much for your kind words about my metaphor, title, pacing, and logic. After looking into it a little moon tulips are seperate of moon flowers, but regardless I am glad I could help you rediscover a memory!

-{Madeline With Love ♥}

author comment

YES! What a beautiful poem! I love the story, the pacing, the shorter lines, and the overall higher quality of this poem!! Amazing job! As far as CC goes, I would suggest adjusting the capitalization and punctuation of each of your individual stanzas, but of course that is a stylistic choice completely up to you!

Amazing job, and it was great to see more of your work :)

..................................................
https://meanderingbackward.blogspot.com
"The true alchemists do not turn lead into gold; they turn the world into words." -William H. Gass

Thank you so much!! Your kindness towards my poem is so reassuring!

-{Madeline With Love ♥}

author comment

your poemy is 22nd century today
who will understand you
what you say

no one can that say
so have your own lovely way
like a sunflower smile all day
sleep when the sun does also
have a good day
today

What a beautiful response! Thank you for your comment!

-{Madeline With Love ♥}

author comment

what a lovely day
sun shines
and
the temperature
at 16 degrees minus does remain
lol
no pain no gain
indoors we remain

(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.