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spawned from lustful fornication
born without a name
reared by those unfit to coach
the playing of life’s game

absorbing knowledge like a sponge
daring to be strange
yet all the while still wishing
I had the will to change

stymied in my quest for sex
feeling like a fool
indulging in some fantasy
while playing with my tool

strong of arm but slow of foot
I could hit the ball
but seldom ever made it home
before I’d trip and fall

had the size, but lacked the nerve
bullied left and right
backed away too many times
before I chose to fight

is it any wonder then
that life just passes by,
while I nurture poetry
conceived with jaundiced eye?

rhyme or reason matters not
when metaphor lies dead
victim of the schizophrenic
lies within my head

C. Lon R. Bruso

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 


I can relate to a lot of what you wrote in this one. You opened my eyes, made me laugh out loud (which is damn near impossible), and then stopped me in my tracks.

I'm not much for titles so I'll pass on that one. See above for theme and the logic was consistent throughout.

Truly enjoyed it.



Glad you got something tangible out of this and also that you enjoyed it!

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Didn't mean to confuse you, but it is what it is and will have to stay that way! Thanks for the feedback!

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to a thoughtful, helpful critique like Beau's could almost make one give up attempting to help, if it wasn't from you, who has never really participated in Neopoet culture- "Critique don't comment".
I sometimes wonder why you post here Lonnie.

If you weren't so fucking talented...
ah well you is wot you is.

A bloody fine poem, mate. Perhaps alternative title "Intransigent Bastard" [grins]

A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'

Here's the bottom line, Jess. I post because I can, because I've paid my F***ing dues, and to piss people like you off! My comment was not anything personal to Beau, and I'm sure she realizes that, but people like you, Richard , and a few others who like to stir the pot, are always going to jump on something that doesn't sit well with your egos! But then again, as you have said, it is what it is! Thanks for being so kind as to at least post something on my poem!

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But since you force feed yourself that I guess you have developed a taste for it. All is clear now, you post "to piss people like me off". Less than the highest aspiration for poetry

I broke a promise though. I promised to stop criticising you for the way you use Neopoet and I sincerely apologise for that. It did rankle though that you were so dismissive of Beau's genuine attempt to provide constructive feedback.

Please remember also that I did compliment you and your poem.

A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'

Excellent write! I, too, can relate to much of what you say. The language and visuals were great as always combined with intense emotion! I enjoyed it

Keep Writing,

"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"

Good feedback is always appreciated and I especially enjoy hearing from you!

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I really felt the emotion in this write there is a force in the first few stanzas that builds up, For me this felt really different from what you normally write but I really thought it was a fantastic poem there are more poems like this one just waiting to be born, I cant wait to read them :)


love to you both JC x

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

I do hope I have a few more left in me before I croak! LOL!! Thanks for reading and understanding!

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A kind word now and again helps to curb the sharp-tongued ravings and dim-witted retorts of the so-called "Guardians" of the NeoPoet guidelines! LOL!! Hope all is well with you and yours!

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Glad you enjoyed my little journey through past embarrassments, thanks for reading!

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as i do all your poetry Lonnie.

from a real Fan!

I am pleased that you are pleased with this trifle!

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