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"Come"

If I can't ask for good music even amongst
the news, please thank me later on. A man
with bleary red egg yolk for eyes fell down
a ravine and re-emerged from the city bathhouse
drain as the second coming of Christ still in
a grainy color edition of a B-film. His hair
is a light blonde, his eyes a skinned blue halo.
The water is a vinyl black freezing in rivulets
which are guitar picks for a moment, frosty
constellates pausing on each zipped flat
of his cardigan guitar case, torn as he moves
towards me from the itches of rust all over him.

PS--If you guys like this poem, vote for the entire collection,"Nouveau's Midnight Sun", on Goodreads:

https://www.goodreads.com/list/show/9755.Best_Surrealist_Literature

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
[This option has been removed]
Last few words: 
This was inspired by Kurdt Cobain
Editing stage: 

Comments

Great use of vocabulary, the title of the poem sounds like the title for a hymn , that gives the pores wrong feel. The pacing is a little off in the second line of the first stanza you seem to be cramming too many words

I would have no clue that it was inspired by Kurt Cobain, had you not mentioned .

Lou

Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!

Lou. Yes, the song "Come As You Are". You have strong perceptiveness poetically.

author comment

Thanks

I'm glad that you weren't offended by my observations.

Lou

Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!

but I wanted you to know I came by to read. I liked the imagery if not the poetry.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

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what you mean by this type of poetry?

author comment

Free Verse.
There is so much stream of consciousness in the poem my poor traditional mind simply can't keep up.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

You write both enigmatically and with eloquence
I like stream of consciousness I like ambiguity

I'm new here, a couple a weeks maybe and feeling like there's a boot on my neck while my head is being pulled up
I like order I like it peppered with a bit of chaos I like points of juncture and disjuncture
I'm a child of the TAO so give me the effulgent light and ill bathe in its shadows like a witch
I came to write poems to escape rigidity and what the hell did I find?

There's a war going on even in poetry Pound and Ginsburg are telling each other to fuck themselves with every line haahaahaa
I like your countenance Your a wise ass, smart ass
So gimmie a piece of your mind ;)

Hello

Very much

author comment
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