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Clowns

Submitted by Sarah Shaw on Fri, 2023-04-28 17:59

Oh how I long to be a clown
and turn this frown upside down
I'd buy a harlequin suit
of white and red
Wear a hat of bells upon my head

I've a charm somewhere
Two golden masks.
one of comedy
the other tragedy
The difference between them
Is blurred to me.

They say a comic
Lives a life of misery
If that's the case
I'd pack out Wembley!

Ironically
I can't stand the thought
they've all come to laugh at me
Damn my stupid insecurity.

If I could only write
rhymes full of laughter
Then surely I'd live
Happily Ever After !

Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
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Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Content level: 
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Fri, 2023-04-28 17:59

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The below is a computer generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

/5

The poem "Clowns" explores the desire to bring joy to others through the art of clowning. The use of vivid imagery, such as the harlequin suit and hat of bells, creates a clear image of the speaker's ideal clown persona. The inclusion of the two golden masks, one of comedy and the other of tragedy, adds depth to the poem as it highlights the blurred lines between humor and sorrow.

However, the poem's structure feels disjointed and lacks cohesion. The transition between stanzas feels abrupt, leaving the reader unsure of the speaker's intended message. Additionally, the use of cliches, such as "turn this frown upside down" and "Happily Ever After," detracts from the overall impact of the poem.

One suggested line edit would be to revise the final stanza to avoid the cliche. For example, "If only I could craft rhymes of laughter / To spread joy and live happily thereafter." This revision maintains the theme while avoiding the predictable phrasing of the original.

Overall, "Clowns" has the potential to be a strong poem with a clearer structure and more original language.

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