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CLOUD WATCHERS

Blue eyes blink open
across tattering gray sky
to watch storm depart

Style / type: 
Structured: Eastern
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

The only thing I would have worked on is the first line, the alliteration but man she's a beaut! Maybe and this may be very picky but watching in stead of to watch (eliminates any alliteration argument with the previous line)
Good luck!
Later,

THE MARK
.
If you take the time to read a poem then take the time to study it and form an opinion as well. Then put your opinion in the comment box. That is basic critique, what Neopoet is all about. Do it often or catch the next ride outta Dodge!

Try reading just the first and third lines then tell me if it should be watching or watch. I appreciate the thought you put into this form which I only scribble out once in a while

author comment

either way works and also anyway works lol
Nice, Stan.
What was my eye on the first line was the alliteration and it is maybe over technical because the poem is simply enjoyable.
Later,

THE MARK
.
If you take the time to read a poem then take the time to study it and form an opinion as well. Then put your opinion in the comment box. That is basic critique, what Neopoet is all about. Do it often or catch the next ride outta Dodge!

Enjoyable is what I aim for. So I reckon I did well. Winning a contest is secondary to sharing to me

author comment

Lying in a hammock, staring at the sky, making rabbits out of clouds! ~ Geez.
.

Comments and critique are vital to this site!
Even if you just say: I liked this story or your spelling
of a word is wrong, take the time to write a line or two
and comment. Your fellow poets will thank you!
.

Watching the sky open back up as the storm clouds leave. BTW I was on the front porch yesterday talking to my nearest neighbor and we almost got run over by a deer lol

author comment
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