Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Cliché's for critique

Submitted by Ian.T on Fri, 2012-08-31 03:27

Love On The Wing
Got a story to tell you
You had better believe it
I am going to, spill the beans.

On the mating of Termites
The flying one’s take off
In sultry Summer’s sun, singing,
To everything there is a season.

I think more of a reason,
As they lift off to, go with the flow
Once they are mated and sated
Down they come losing their wings

Crawling helpless on the ground
They have eaten half my house
With their nasty habits
Worse than Australian rabbits

So I'll knock their lights out

Review Request (Intensity):

I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Review Request (Direction):

What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?

Last few words:

This was written on how NOT to use Cliché's in poetry, here you can see how bad things get when using well known sayings. There is one thing though, that poets from other countries where words are used differently may never have heard of the cliché's we use so care must be taken when putting critique on their work. Get to know the person that is writing from profile or their way of writing. I still say I won the cup!!

Editing stage:

Editing - rough draft

Workshop:

Critique workshop - positive critiques

Comments

William Saint George

Fri, 2012-08-31 07:31

Hi Ian

The first word is cliché enough, so you win. lol

Your last few words saved me from assuming we all "shared" cliches. That's a good reminder. I also noticed the alliteration in the title, and in some of the lines " sultry Summer’s sun, singing...".

Only issue I had was with the commas, which always make me pause before reading on. They sort of got in the way of things a bit, so on the second reading I ignored them.

No verse is free for the man who wants to do a good job. - TS Eliot

http://www.wsgeorge.com/

Rula

Fri, 2012-08-31 08:56

Now I want to be told

dear Ian as I am-not a native speaker of English- but it is my second language, do I use these Cliché's or do I use them differently. Much of what you've written as Cliché's I am not aware of , so thanks for telling me something about this. I need to re-read to avoid them or you'd better bear with me when I have any in my writing.LOL

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Please follow me on Instagram
https://instagram.com/poetry.jo?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

Rula

Fri, 2012-08-31 08:57

Opps

forgot to say that I much enjoyed your Cliché's

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Please follow me on Instagram
https://instagram.com/poetry.jo?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

Ian.T

Fri, 2012-08-31 13:41

Rula,

Rula,
Many thanks for your visit I have put a site link here for you, it will show you many Cliché's that are in our ways of talking, they are a kind of slang in the poetry world.
We had a workshop last year on Cliché's how and why not to use them, Take care and have a lovely day, Yours Ian.T

I can't get through to the site from here put just put Cliché into search and have a look through them..

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

author comment

weirdelf

Mon, 2012-09-03 01:01

Love the poem, it works at several levels.

You know what I noticed most?
It has meter!
Not regular meter, freeform meter, but meter has normally been the weakest aspect of your craft.
Bloody well done.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

judyanne

Mon, 2012-09-03 02:33

hi ian

what a great use of cliche
i do so love it
it denies the so called 'fact' that cliche doesn't work - well a satire on cliche obviously does lol

thank you
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

Neopoet

Cliché's for critique