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The Chinese Dragon's Period

Electrical tape drools on the camera,
and only through a music box

are you half the blue noir
phantom baby—the Mattoid, Mutant in
the Lava Lamp and Madame Choule

are going at it. Slurping, the donkey
crank, a C-Note, Mattoid’s dirty fingernails

on the phonograph; a baby coffin
with a bone picked. The sampler bottle

shattered in Oriental origami, noiseless
as a blue impatient spider on the cusp of….

The green slimed woman asked me to leave.
A fanged Buddha with eyes smoking white

jade eyes stared.

The sampler bottle shattered
in Oriental backgammon;
a Chen slow blinding.

The green slimed woman
asked me to leave

Balinese porn in ruined

gold calligraphy

Flypaper Shu Fan

Rolodoxes of Ten O Clock numbers

fro Chinese Magic Mirrors

“I have a gooey geisha series,
I have skinny jewels from the buses,
I have our voodoo hearts to knit
in the clear light of day.”

I pocketed two chen bingo coins
spinning silk bunches

in the bathhouses,

above the city’s sedate islands.

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
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Is the internal logic consistent?
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Comments

School has overwhelmed me this semester, so I'm behind!

You marked this poem as a western form. Could you tell me what it is?

The imagery of photography, the mutation, death, and the Orient all remind me of the Victorian era, and its darker moments, so I really enjoyed the content of the poem. I also love poetry with contrasting or conflicting juxtapositions of the words and phrases. I try to incorporate that into my poetry often and I see it here in "Balinese porn in ruined/ gold calligraphy"

Just wish I could fathom what it means (what it means to me or to you or whomever) after two readings!

Kelsey

Advocates Coordinator

Critique, don't comment. Neopoet is a workshop and is designed to share your poetry, receive and make critique of the work posted, and most importantly, for you to evolve as a poet.

www.kelsey-burroughs.weebly.com

The imagery of your work, as surreal as it usually is, is always so vivid and tangible for me. I always seem to think of a film, TV show, or video game that I am reminded of (I am just an absolute video game/movie/TV nerd and others will learn to accept it). This one reminds me of a film called "The Lion Woman" or "Løvekvinnen". It's available subtitled on Netflix if you have it. I highly recommend it.

Kels

Advocates Coordinator

Critique, don't comment. Neopoet is a workshop and is designed to share your poetry, receive and make critique of the work posted, and most importantly, for you to evolve as a poet.

www.kelsey-burroughs.weebly.com

The answer to your question about meaning is that I am not always sure what the poem really means either; if I did know what it meant, I wouldn't write it. There's all this excess discharge in our psyche through dreams, our weird heritage of occult beliefs and myths, and I personally believe that in the continuation of perception--which can get very hard for an artist to stay on
because it stretches infinitely--we find the key to life. If a poet is like Philip Larkin I get bored, and he was a fine poet. Other times I know exactly what I'm saying and frame it as if I don't. For some reason I catch the Oriental vibe very well, and I think I got a curse in a fortune cookie at a Chinese restaurant and I was blending the book "The Blind Owl" and this very keen perception of the Chinese, chinese atmospheres.

I think someone else said that real poetry doesn't say anything, it just tips you off in a certain direction. If you're fearful, it is my opinion you won't do anything all that special in poetry.
As for the meaning of the poem it is a bit sad, as it tells the tale of an absence. You notice "Madame Choule"--that is the name of a character in Rolond Topor's "The Tenant", and Polanski's film adaptation of it. I would recommend both for your reading, because both are just really masterful pieces of art.

Thank you for your perceptiveness.

author comment

Thank you.

I will read again soon and ponder on what it means to me.

Kelsey

Advocates Coordinator

Critique, don't comment. Neopoet is a workshop and is designed to share your poetry, receive and make critique of the work posted, and most importantly, for you to evolve as a poet.

www.kelsey-burroughs.weebly.com

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