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FOR THIS CAUSE
MERCY AND FERRY, SHUN THE TEARY LANE
HAND IN HAND BOARD THE JOYOUS TRAIN
SIDE BY SIDE FIGHT THE UNSEEN FIGHT
TOGETHER WITH YOU MAKES THE JOURNEY EASY
DEAR! HOW PLEASANT IT IS
TO TREAD THIS SCARY LIFE WITH EASE
YOU HAVE BEEN BLESSED WITH PEACE
TO HAVE THE PIECE THAT COMPLETE YOUR BEING
LET YOUR SOUL BID LONELINESS FAREWELL
NOW THAT YOU’VE HAD A SIP FROM LOVE’S WELL
YOU HAVE YOUR THIRD AND FORTH HAND
TO CONFIDENTLY PURSUE TEN THOUSAND
TWO ARE BETTER THAN ONE IS WHAT THEY SAY,
ENJOY THE MOMENT OF TOGETHERNESS WHEN IT LAST
WHEN YOU DRIVE IN THE STREET OF THOUGHTS
ONE MAY CRASH BUT TWO WILL STAND ON THE LOFT
WHEN YOU REST IN THE ARMS OF FIERCE COLD
ONE MAY SHIVER BUT TWO WILL HOTNESS UNFOLD
FIXING THIS PUZZLE ALWAYS LESSONS THE HUSTLE
LOVE HELPS YOU THRESH THE UGLY HURDLE
SO ENJOY THE FELLOWSHIP OF TOGETHERNESS
FOR TOGETHER, YOU CAN FULFILL YOUR DREAMS….
Comments
jane210660
Wed, 2017-05-17 08:55
Hi and welcome to Neopoet
Just a quick observation, please don't write in capital letters. Besides being harder to read, it denotes shouting, which detracts from the essence of the poem.
Cheers Jx
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Don't forget to offer critique on poems you read.
Adebimpe moses
Wed, 2017-05-17 09:11
Thanks.
Thanks.
Grace On Dispaly
Adebimpe moses
Wed, 2017-05-17 09:10
Thanks.
Thanks.
Grace On Dispaly
vandiemenspeak
Wed, 2017-05-17 10:19
Hey Ade, can I call you Ade?
Just lazy :) - wow this has got some real passion, and you've made a flying start..just on the emphasis, while getting your point across - can be FUNDAMENTAL to a poem, you don't have to do upper case all the time, if you check out some of the poets on here, you'll see they do occasionally use CAPS for emphasis, maybe because it's easier than figuring out the html formatting, but then you can also use space and silence etc. to build up to the next line.
Good start, well done,
Cheers.
Chris.
Chris Hall - Tasmania
Grossbooted draymen rolled barrels dullthudding out of Prince's stores and bumped them up on the brewery float. On the brewery float bumped dullthudding barrels rolled by grossbooted draymen out of Prince's stores.
Geezer
Wed, 2017-05-17 13:35
Welcome to Neo...
They are right about having a good start here. Just a couple of crits. You need an [s] on the end of complete[s] I think the word that you are looking for is while, not when and maybe [lessens] not lessons. other than that, I like the passion with which this has been written. ~ Geezer.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Adebimpe moses
Thu, 2017-05-18 07:18
WIP.
Thanks for your comments,
(Modupe)
Grace On Dispaly
weirdelf
Fri, 2017-05-19 03:39
Have you noticed the 3 tabs above the title?
View, Edit and Unpublish.
You can click on Edit to edit your poem online.
I've taken the liberty of uncapping this for you (a simple task in Word, just select and press Shift F3, once for uncapped, twice for caps at start of sentence, 3times for cap initial letter of each word). You can also use the Advanced Formatting option to get Bold (Ctrl B) or Italics Ctrl I.
For This Cause
Mercy and ferry, shun the teary lane
hand in hand board the joyous train
side by side fight the unseen fight
together with you makes the journey easy
Dear! How pleasant it is
to tread this scary life with ease
you have been blessed with peace
to have the piece that complete your being
Let your soul bid loneliness farewell
now that you’ve had a sip from love’s well
you have your third and forth hand
to confidently pursue ten thousand
two are better than one is what they say,
enjoy the moment of togetherness when it last
When you drive in the street of thoughts
one may crash but two will stand on the loft
when you rest in the arms of fierce cold
one may shiver but two will hotness unfold
Fixing this puzzle always lessons the hustle
love helps you thresh the ugly hurdle
so enjoy the fellowship of togetherness
for together, you can fulfill your dreams….
Reads a whole lot better, eh? You can click Edit and copy and paste this straight in if you like.
An impressive first post, welcome.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
Adebimpe moses
Wed, 2017-05-24 06:27
Acknowledge
Thanks buddy!
Grace On Dispaly