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Cats in the Sun...

Submitted by Geezer on Tue, 2023-04-25 11:37

Warm summer morning, the air was dry
and so the grass in the field
Seven cats stalking, shadows walking
To see what the field would yield

Old Tom, lingering slow behind
Sees what the others have missed
what they didn't find, so kind
The world felt warm, sunkissed...

Now, full of snacks of bugs and mice
a sunny spot, so very nice
They gathered for a rest with bests
and napped away 'most the day

Dreams of sundrenched patios
behind the glass from winter storms
flitting through their memories
in the comfort of someone's arms

The chill of twilight settles in
purple daylight will not last
They climb the hill, with some light still
before end of shadows cast

Facial rubs given to the clan
I am yours and you are mine
Family members special handshake
Bestowed to only to our kind

The silence of the street, is heavy
as the moon nestles in a tree
Old Tom dreams of warm arms and petting
of "When she still loved me"

Cat Descriptions...

Old Tom -
Grey Tiger with a mustache and goatee of white

Black -
Black, going slightly grey, with a white star on his chest and slight limp in rear-leg
that has pure white foot.

Yellow Tiger -
Unkempt, slightly bedraggled, yellow and white tiger, a bit pudgy.

Lanky -
Dirty white, slender like a new born colt, loose limbed

Gopher -
Gopher-brown with thick spiky fur, black feet, always nose to the ground.

Tuxedo -
Typical black cat with very even, white markings on chest, front paws and chin

Tippy Toes -
[who would rather be called Princess] white, immaculate fur, who escapes regularly
from home to hang out.

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words: 
The gang is back on the block again, watch for their adventures!
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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Comments

neopoet

Tue, 2023-04-25 11:37

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The below is a computer generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Cats in the Sun" captures the peaceful, lazy demeanor of felines basking in the warm glow of summer. The imagery of the cats stalking through the dry grass is vivid, and the descriptions of each cat's appearance add a personal touch to the poem. The line "Dreams of sundrenched patios" is particularly lovely, evoking a sense of nostalgia and comfort.

However, there are a few areas where the poem could benefit from editing. In the line "what they didn't find, so kind," the phrase "so kind" seems out of place and doesn't add much to the overall meaning of the line. Instead, consider replacing it with a more descriptive word or phrase. Additionally, the poem could benefit from a more consistent rhyme scheme, as some lines rhyme while others do not.

Overall, "Cats in the Sun" is a charming poem that captures the essence of lazy summer days spent with beloved pets. With a bit of editing to improve the flow and consistency, it could be even stronger.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

RoseBlack

Tue, 2023-04-25 13:19

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Such a charming little poem about your neighborhood cats. I love how they have their own personalities and enjoy spending time together doing whatever it is that cats do. Well done.

~RoseBlack~

Geezer

Tue, 2023-04-25 15:42

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It's nice to see them around the neighborhood. I hardly see them at all during the winter. I can't wait to see them sunning themselves in the morning on the warm sidewalk. ~ Geez.
.

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author comment

Unca Fez

Wed, 2023-04-26 06:21

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I really liked the way the pace of the poem seems to fit the pace of cats. As one who has had a cat or cats for the most of my life, one of the things you learn is that they take life at their own pace, unhurried by external stimuli unless it impinges on their instincts for safety or hunting. I could see the seven of them wandering through the grass and catching the warmth of the sun.

Thanx,
Steve

Geezer

Wed, 2023-04-26 10:06

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I couldn't help but notice, the omission of the common term "cat owner." To say that one 'has' a cat or cats; [in my opinion] is
somewhat a misnomer, just a little away from being a cat owner. I say you can 'have' cats, like you can have ants, if you don't have anything they want... fortunately, they love the good life, and for most of them, 'having' an 'owner', means not having to forage for a living and able to laze about. I wish that we could 'have' a cat, but my wife is allergic. Anyway, I still have my pride
of neighborhood cats and I guess that will suffice. ~ Geez.
. P.S. Anyone ever tell you, you resemble John Lithgow?

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
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author comment

Unca Fez

Wed, 2023-04-26 15:33

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We differ a bit on the definition of "having cats". For me, it means that we co-habitate. I get to feed, water, and change their litter, and, in return, if they feel like it, they might let me pat them or hold them in my lap. They are room mates more than anything else.

Thanx,
Steve

Geezer

Wed, 2023-04-26 18:38

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I must not have made myself clear on the definition of having cats. I feel the same way about them. My wife only became allergic a few years ago, and before that, we did 'have' cats. like you, we fed and watered them and they were outside cats, so no litter. They in turn, played with us when they were bored, and sat close or on our laps when they wanted some warmth and/or comfort. Yes, more like college roommates, than anything. ~ Geez.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

author comment

Jackweb

Wed, 2023-04-26 11:23

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Sublime artistry, captivating lines! Nice job here.
.

"By virtue of creativity, my literary genre is poetry".

~Jackweb

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