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the candy land

I fell into this body
made of sugar and coal
I know I will love it
and forever I will go

and in the past I was someone
but not someone better
just someone different

give me the real
its gone to far to feel
we are in plastic and vice
its all about the price

in the past I was someone
not someone smarter
but someone innocent

give me your eyes
and il never tell goodbye
im confused and young
lets go have more fun

in the past I was someone
not someone nicer
but someone looking out for me

i gave you everything
you gave the others the string
im tired and alone
looks like life had won

in the past i was someone
not someone to be proud of
but i was someone

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
please i don't use grammar well, be kind with only that.
Editing stage: 


Firstly welcome to Neopoet site.
It was refreshing to read your write.
I shall look for you next pieces and not to worry we have enough teachers here that will guide you in your works.
I have been here a few years and it is one of the best places for learning about poetry there is, bar super high school
Only one or two small things at the moment:- i is alway I (Cap)
"and il never tell goodbye" il is usually put as I'll " that damn capital again lol..
Take care, talk again soon, Yours Ian.T

There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

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