for asking me to crit this
it is a great write - I really like it

but you have to remember that we all express ourselves in different ways
I tend to be as succinct as possible with my free verse
- rather than using three or four ways or words to describe, I try to find one very powerful one.
it tends to shorten things dramatically

you tend to write more verbosely, which is fine too – many people like that type of writing, as I too do too, when it is thought-catching and easy to read – which yours is
thus, I am reluctant to want to take too much of this away
but you have repeated yourself unnecessarily, IN MY OPINION – in a few areas

I also don’t think that you need the first stanza (the title is the nice teaser) and it’s more powerful a write (lol, I repeat imo) if the theme is released throughout the write

and I don’t think you need the last bit of the last stanza either (again, only my opinion) as, hopefully the poem has already released that sentiment in the reader (nice and subtly, without their knowledge, if you know what I mean)

it is difficult to show it all separately, so, I have edited the whole thing as to how I read it...although I have left some lines as are, that I would shorten, but that is my style, and I’m trying not to impinge too much on yours

- I definitely don’t expect you to want to edit it my way, but perhaps take a look at the differences and see if you can see what I mean

one crit I do have is that your tenses are mixed throughout – I have changed them to one here.

are wealthy truly free?
they live in luxury
envied by many
in their arrogance forgetting
that Man are all equals in the eyes of God
they mingle amongst themselves
parading and boasting their material wealth
while outside, people suffer
from the grip of poverty and disease
their pride in their gold and silver misplaced
by their inability to be more humane
their smiles and laughter hollow
lacking in sincerity, they don't know
what ails the restlessness inside

as for the ignorant and stubborn
who cling to their egos, refuse to listen.
no matter how many good advices they receive
none can sway their hearts to change
they remain stagnant
for years repeating their mistakes
all because they turned away their chances to learn
you hear them complaining and whining
but you never see them doing anything
they are blind and deaf, unable to move forward
even as they grow older, their minds fail to mature

then our reckless youth
misguided by their peers
and violence in movies
in their need for freedom
they find themselves cornered
by the poisons made available
which promise them haven
only to lead them to addiction
they are judged
when all they want is respect
for their voice to be heard
all they need is guidance
but where can one find wisdom
when judgement has already been passed?

Cages,
they are there
they are real

----------------

hope this helps
love judy
xxx

I was coming to suggest for improvement as promised, but judy was first to arrive. I agree it is not up to your standerds. Maybe because it is written in a moment of rage. I also agree that you've repeated the same thing in different ways which is not bad if you still want to show your rage.
I think judy's rewrite gave it its justice and still kept the message you wanted to convey.
Let me know if you still need any further help though I doubt I can offer any better job than what she's already done.

sorry, the net was down many times.

A good honest write here Alid and so true! - Judyanne has given you some sound advice, I look forward to seeing what changes you make ( if any ).

Not sure but I think:

that Man are all equals in the eyes of God - should be - that "men" are all equals......

Well done! you hit the spot with this one. :)

Love Mand xxxx

Mand, I didn't suggest change for that line - Alid has made Man with a capital, meaning the family of Man, as I read it, and I liked the way it sounds in its difference

Love judy
xxx

There is an old saying here and it is inscribed on one of our coins, but in English of course.
"nanos gigantum humeris insidentes"
Dwarfs standing on the shoulders of giants, it always reminds me of the rich, as you say they are incapable of existing without treading on the real Giants of humanity..
A great write though a reference to a God to me is not good in this write, if there was such an entity he would surly smote them, as they are really the root of all evil things.
Drinking drugs and poverty back street killing the rape of 80% of the nation by those rich ones, it has always been the way.
Nowadays it is becoming harder for them and they have a good chance of dying out as information is becoming widespread.
A few years ago and not that far away they lived in big houses here with servants who they tolerated but now those houses are few and mostly run by museums, as they should be, we may have more food banks but we have a better way of life in that we live in reality.
A poor man with a computer is more dangerous than anything the rich have seen for centuries, not since the printing presses have the rich been so vulnerable, I hope this continues to be so.
Take care young one and I hope that your days become less stressful,
Yours Ian

The first thing I'd suggest is to add punctuation. In a free verse you can't depend on structure or rhythm to let the reader know when to pause or even come to a full stop so punctuation has to do this for you. It's my intent to return to this because the emotion you feel here is so strong. I'll Come back and make other suggestions as time allows (unless others beat me to it lol ).....stan

but I still will continue to read thee
you have galloped away so fast
i still Tttttttt R O TTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

Just taking a relook, you could break it more without losing the groupings, I think

Try a break after
that Man are all equals in the eyes of God
from the gifts of poverty and disease
no matter how many good advices the receive
all because they turned away their chances to learn
and violence in the movies
only to leave them astray

xxx