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Buzzing Ambrosian Decrees

Submitted by gregwa8 on Sat, 2018-07-28 23:35

What a treat from the bees
Something golden to please

They’re like a board of trustees
Taking flowers as their fees

Each a lil’ Hercules
Flying miles in the breeze

The fields their diocese
Buzzing ambrosian decrees

Even ol’ Socrates
Who said that being busy

Is just a wasting disease
Without some expertise

Would say the bees’ guarantees
Are nothing at which to sneeze

They say the moon’s made of cheese
And broccoli’s just little trees

But tastier than both of these
By a great many degrees

Is the gift of honeys —
Tip of the tongue analyses

Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

raj

Sun, 2018-07-29 04:49

pretty tough to maintain aaaaaaaaaa rhyme sequence through and through all verses...as tough as the work honeybees do...
.....................................................................................................

raj (sublime_ocean)

chevyvent

Sun, 2018-07-29 13:31

chevyvent's picture

The theme is overwhelming I think this piece is top notch you did a great job.
Through the arrangement of this piece you can bask in the arts with a good feel
Further, I like the second stanza very good in its form you wrote a materpiece
I'm encouraged to read more of your writings. Lastly, the ending takes you in let's you be a friend.

Mario Vitale

Geezer

Sun, 2018-07-29 21:17

Geezer's picture
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on making it all the way through a very tough form! Seems like you have a thing for honey. That's as good as Honey having a thing for you! ~ Geezer.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
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Rula

Mon, 2018-07-30 04:19

Rula's picture
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is the least to say

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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tyro

Mon, 2018-07-30 15:04

This was not easy to achieve, so bravo on your poetic sensibilities..

T

The most powerful reaction
of mind on mind
is transference of sight

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