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Butterfly Bush By The Railroad Tracks

Does the bug
crawling about
the man’s shoes
have the mind
or experience
to classify them
as potentially dangerous?

Perhaps if the man
steps on the bug
it will be reincarnated
as a butterfly.
They seem to keep
their distance,
flit away
but sometimes alight
upon a man’s shoulder
or hat.

And then perhaps
after a life of flight,
Flitting away
and landing on hats,
lay down it’s winged body
in the dust,

Be reincarnated again
as a deer,
running off
through the woods,
to meet with its friends
and cross
the railroad tracks,
the rivers,
and the roads.

When it's life is done,
preyed upon
by a mountain lion,
or hit by a car,
or slowing down
in deer's old age,

perhaps it is reincarnated
as a man with shoes,
watching a bug make it’s way
around his feet,
and onto the branches
of a butterfly bush
by the railroad tracks.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage: 


Nice balanced poem
The beginning is using the words I am not sure about. Alliteration of the sound Sss is good though.
But it doesn't justify the use of "brain space" to my taste.
Then the use of "this" makes me stumble a little.
Can the bug
crawling about
my shoes
the danger
awaiting it?
Is too big?


Thanks for the feedback, Iriz. Made some changes and extended it a bit.

author comment

My pleasure


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