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Burn

He said she was fierce
Too intense, too deep
As if that was a bad thing
As if it was her fault
Why ignite fire
when you can't dance with her flames?
You didn't know?
That she is the sun
Why come closer if you had no intention to burn?

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
How was my language use?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
Because we often say the words " I love you" without fully understanding what the other person is about
Editing stage: 

Comments

This is beautiful! I absolutely love your words on it - most of us don't know what true love is and its implications, its demands and the work it takes - most of us dabble in passion, lust and infatuation. Not love.
Your poem is a call to real love, for the desire to stand in the fire with the other person and discover all that they are. It's a call to bravery, addressed to the children who are disguised as men. Only a real man can truly love.

I feel you could have expanded on the idea more - but maybe that is a matter of preference. I myself have written many poems on this metaphor of a real woman as fire, burning and frightening away any man not brave enough to stand her flames. Also, a big piece of advice - try to let go of capitalising the first letter of each verse, if you feel comfortable with it. My view is that it takes away from the flow and POWER of the voice. It's a distraction.

Looking forward to seeing your next pieces.

 

Love,
Steph

... to remember what it felt like to have my being set alight
beneath the moon when I was full and I was dancing with the night
when I could see beyond my sight
when I could see beyond my sight

I'm glad you like it, thanks for sharing your views, I will surely take them into consideration..

author comment

This is really good! I wish that you had left off the last line, but if you really must have one, remember that when one enters a relationship, that they are not looking to get burned, but get warm, maybe even heated, but not burned. Unless they are masochists. If you must ask the question, [why are you stupid]? Ask instead, if they didn't expect to get burned? There is a difference. I like the theme, the pattern and the logic runs smoothly, right up until the end. ~ Geezer.
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For your honest opinion..
When I said "burn" I meant "to have deep feelings" not mediocre love that stays on the surface

author comment

what you mean now that you have explained it. ~ Geezer.
.

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Why play with fire if you don't want to get burned
Then find you get scared and so are spurned
Life is full of chances to be won and lost
The only question is, will you pay the cost

Nicely thought out poem, thank you

You

author comment

Nice poem, i think some men don't truly have real love intention to their female partners, just pretending their do, whereas, not knowing how much love the other already have.

Love the construction so much

always remember to make a critique of other poems
using the hoe is not madness for nothing

Thanks giys

author comment
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