Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
Burn
He said she was fierce
Too intense, too deep
As if that was a bad thing
As if it was her fault
Why ignite fire
when you can't dance with her flames?
You didn't know?
That she is the sun
Why come closer if you had no intention to burn?
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
How was my language use?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words:
Because we often say the words " I love you" without fully understanding what the other person is about
Editing stage:
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
Comments
sewie smalls
Sat, 2017-10-07 09:14
I'm glad
I'm glad you like it, thanks for sharing your views, I will surely take them into consideration..
Geezer
Sat, 2017-10-07 17:26
Sewie...
This is really good! I wish that you had left off the last line, but if you really must have one, remember that when one enters a relationship, that they are not looking to get burned, but get warm, maybe even heated, but not burned. Unless they are masochists. If you must ask the question, [why are you stupid]? Ask instead, if they didn't expect to get burned? There is a difference. I like the theme, the pattern and the logic runs smoothly, right up until the end. ~ Geezer.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
sewie smalls
Sat, 2017-10-07 18:30
Thanks
For your honest opinion..
When I said "burn" I meant "to have deep feelings" not mediocre love that stays on the surface
Geezer
Sat, 2017-10-07 20:20
I see...
what you mean now that you have explained it. ~ Geezer.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Ja Ja
Sun, 2017-10-08 12:22
Why play with fire if you don
Why play with fire if you don't want to get burned
Then find you get scared and so are spurned
Life is full of chances to be won and lost
The only question is, will you pay the cost
Nicely thought out poem, thank you
sewie smalls
Sun, 2017-10-08 19:07
Thank
You
Simon
Mon, 2017-10-09 11:16
Nice one
Nice poem, i think some men don't truly have real love intention to their female partners, just pretending their do, whereas, not knowing how much love the other already have.
Chiori
Mon, 2017-10-09 11:26
nice poem
Love the construction so much
always remember to make a critique of other poems
using the hoe is not madness for nothing
sewie smalls
Mon, 2017-10-09 11:49
So true Simon
Thanks giys