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Breathless (senryu)

...drowning in deep love
breathless anticipation
suspended in hope.

Style / type: 
Structured: Eastern
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
This is my first attempt at a senryu. I am hoping to enter competitions using this form and Sedoka.
Editing stage: 

Comments

Hi Mark
Pleases to meet you. Blown away with your comment. honoured you made it a favourite! I can see by your work you are a great writer I left a comment on your last piece! Brilliant!

D.Cash

author comment

Nothing to critique here. I have a renga workshop you might like to join
Clink the link in my signature and check it out

*The Collaboration Poetry Workshop
Eternal Renga
Amqerican Version of Japanese Poetry
All Neopoet members are welcome to join in the round robin fun.
Collaboration Poetry Workshop

Thank you Barbara. I am on my way to renga! I am, however, writing for competition at the moment, looking for direction, on where to go for critique. Poem in first draft. It will be a Stanza. Can you help guide me to the correct workshop for this, or do I just post to stream?

D.Cash

author comment

There are several workshops you can join and and get valuable critique. mines is one of several types and styles of poetry writing you can hone your skills with

*The Collaboration Poetry Workshop
Eternal Renga
Amqerican Version of Japanese Poetry
All Neopoet members are welcome to join in the round robin fun.
Collaboration Poetry Workshop

Thank you for direction....on it!

D.Cash

author comment
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