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Beseechingly

Enlighten me to understand

Let the light of truth
Illuminate the serpentine road
That I traverse in my life
So I may see the obstacles
Littering my negative thoughts

Proclaim a place
Where the freedom of thought
Cannot be incarcerated
With controlled domestications
By those who fear positive growth

Let me be the hammer
Pounding on the inequities
Created by dreams
Seen in a mirror
Covered with smoke

Those who use their tactics
To blind me
From seeing my true face
On the lake of prosperity
So as to stifle my positive hopes

Let the true me surface
From the depth of my soul
To stand like a monument
Above the darkness
The world of man tries to impose

Fortuitously I have seen the clarity
Born from self-reliance and awareness
No longer do I seek truth
In dwellings of led misconceptions
But rather coherent realizations

I beseech the universe
Keep my egotistic twin at bay
And continue guiding me
On the path which leads to true balance
Found inside my own soul

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

At some point we all have to put our foot down and demand control of our lives and this seems to lean toward self-realization and strength, Very hearty.

Thank you

Tommi Cordial

Dawn breaks over marble head...

I am a Taoist who has learned that simplicty is the way to live, the world seems to complicate things, because we let our ego's trip us up. I feel when craziness enters my life it is not about me. it is about those who try and change my course. In reality, it is about what they want with no real regard for me. On my simplicity they crash their own heads, and eventually walk away. taking their non-productive ideas with them.
thanks for the read and comment. I thank you for the visit.

Eddie
...

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE

author comment

A good read, a good write, there were some wonderful lines here & I love the journey portreyed & the emotion & passion on which it is carried... Yay for you !

My fave lines:
Created by dreams
Seen in a mirror
Covered with smoke

Cheers
Cloud

Cheers
Anni

My dear friend always told me "Water the seeds of joy first"

Thank you so much for the "Yay".
yes i do like that line a lot myself,
your visit is appreciated!
again i thank you

Eddie
...

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE

author comment

... You're gonna hate this, but the thing I like most about this is the presentation. Not a single typographical error in the basket (and I looked), nothing misspelled, even the most complex sentences were oozing with logic and common sense.
In other words- the poem was ready to be approached. There was nothing inadvertent here that drew my attention away from what the poet had to say.
I realize this is probably not what you were hoping to hear. The poet would likely prefer that a reader come to his poem and come away explaining why the "content" moved him/her. The poet would like a discussion about the important pieces of "new" that he/she walked away with.
Indeed, I could do this. For decades now I have been seeking "God" in numerous way unsuccessfully. One of the ways I seek is by trying to understand the basics of organized religion (whatever that may be). I have investigated the Taoist's. I understood and appreciated what the narrator bemoaned and desired.

However, as a poet (and more importantly a teacher) who has been whining at you (and everyone else around here) about the importance of "format", the critical importance of "staging" one's poem so that nothing accidental detracts from the message I can't begin to consider anything but the reality that there ARE NO FLAWS IN THIS POEM.
Whatever Eddie had to say is what the poem enumerated. The poet said "I'd like you to look at something" and that something was the only thing there when he pointed.
Bravo Eddie, bravo. Do not let this slip away from you. You are, in my mind, a extremely talented poet, but this is the first time I've read something by you that said so in a blatantly obvious way.
wesley

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

talk about pooring it on, damn it I am not going to know how to act now. Like the poem I better keep my ego in check so as not to think I can do this all the time but rather work hard at it. Jess and you have been an enormous help to my growth. I truly appreciate the special attention.
here is to keeping it simple, god had nothing to do with this, being that he/she was not there when I wrote this. LOL!!
(as he wipes the brown substance from his nose)
Eddie
...

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE

author comment

I loved that line too!

I'll want to ask why the "mirror"? Is it a philosophical statement you are trying to make there? I also found this bit interesting:

"I beseech the universe
Keep my egotistic twin at bay"

the twin in there. Has that also got to do with the dreams seen in a mirror?

This poem reminded me of the last stanzas of Shelley's "Ode to the West Wind". The title set me up for the mood, and this poem reads like a heartfelt prayer to the universe (or the reflection of the universe in your soul).

The demands are noble and profound, but what I liked best was the hint of imperfection in the persona. That makes this poem a more realistic reflection of our aspirations.

I enjoyed the read.

No verse is free for the man who wants to do a good job. - TS Eliot

http://www.wsgeorge.com/

The "mirror" is like the trick a magician uses to make you look else where as the world of man does.
"it's all smoke and mirrors"

"I beseech the universe
Keep my egotistic twin at bay"
the poem is an invocation (prayer) asking for guidance. The twin is that other side of us that is manifested in self indulgents. thinking we are better then how we are perceived. To be humble and simple is hard with all the candy the world offers to blind us from seeing who we truly are.

The whole point as you have deduced, is that we are imperfect and in that realization we can make a true attempt to reach that higher level that is there right in front of us if we push aside the trappings of the world.
you have seen the poem as I have intented it.
respect to you.

Eddie
...

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE

author comment

in my terse way
Technically excellent,
content wise ho hum

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

thank you, not your cup of tea.

Eddie

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE

author comment

I really appreciate the care and craft of the structure of this.

It is the content that bugs me, it is a supplication in prayer, not self-empowerment. You are pleading, not demanding or being. Now that conflicts with my personal philosophies and is, of course, quite valid for you. Is it? Really?

Even the title, especially with that extra e, is self-demeaning to my view. I happen to think you are more than that. You have worked hard against severe odds to become the man you are and I know your strength and perseverance, not some fantasy higher power, will see you through.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

It is interesting that you would say that, because I do not believe in a higher power of any kind. My last two stanzas are a testament to that fact. I trust in my own knownledge of experiance. not in any outside force.
Jess, for me I am one with nature and the Universe. It is what has guilded me through my later years. nature is simplicity with no complications, and the universe ever changing. I try to be that way steady as nature, learning and changing as the universe. So maybe you did not get the gess of this write. it is to control my own world with no outside interferance made up of ideals of man.

"Fortuitously I have seen the clarity
Born from self-reliance and awareness
No longer do I seek truth
In dwellings of led misconceptions
But rather coherent realizations

I beseech the universe
Keep my egotistic twin at bay
And continue guiding me
On the path which leads to true balance
Found inside my own soul"

these four lines tell the whole poem;

"Fortuitously I have seen the clarity
Born from self-reliance and awareness"

"On the path which leads to true balance
Found inside my own soul"

Jess, Can you see it now. Just think what you have known of me and in knowing that, you could not think that I believe in any higher power than my own.

Eddie

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE

author comment

of two minds
in some ways it reads as a simple affirmation, which is not really that interesting to the reader

but in another it tells us where you 'are'
such as at
'Fortuitously I have seen the clarity
Born from self-reliance and awareness
No longer do I seek truth
In dwellings of led misconceptions...'
- which i might add are my favourite lines

i actually think this would work better as a shorter piece with more emphasis on the positives
((((smile)))) - just me
love the mirror of smoke reference
love judy
xx

'

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

I love the fact that you get it, my poetry is always about me and how "I" see things change in the course of my life. A kid from Spanish Harlem. You might be right on a shorter version. It"s to late now.
I would like to thank you for your honest remark on it. That always means a lot to me.

Eddie
...

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE

author comment

... never write shorter poems. I love a long poem. Edit a poem if you have something you don't like or can do without, but never set out to deliberately shorten a poem. That has nothing to do with classical form... I just like long poems.
wesley

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

I am always listening.
Thanks

Eddie

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE

author comment
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