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Beneath the Surface (Mom)

Submitted by Loreli on Wed, 2010-12-08 21:33

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You ignored underneath

my pleas of “take me with you,

don’t leave me here alone”

terrorized, I tried to live through.

 

How could you not hear me,

did you not see me?

 

I would run to you for shelter

but too often I found blame.

Seems I did not understand

rules to the denial game

 

Did you care for me so little,

to choose him over your daughter?

 

Bruises beneath the surface of my skin

monsters lived inside my home.

Terror hidden within the comfort

of the canopy bed in my room.

 

You left me fending for myself,

your weakness became my decay.

 

Encased in my lonely tomb.

I felt caught, unable to breathe.

The child in me died

and no one even grieved.

 

Did you know I felt dead inside,

how could you turn your head and hide?

 

I learned how to be quiet

blend into the walls.

I learned to hate who I was

never trusting myself or anyone at all.

 

Was this the life you dreamed of

when you imagined your baby girl?

 

I didn’t know how to live fully

years turned into decades

before I could unravel

the knots of my childhood’s charade.

 

Years of therapy were required

Before I finally felt free.

 

I now have children of my own

they do not live in fear.

My life’s most precious gifts

I am their champion, always near.

 

This legacy you passed on

will not repeat itself through me!

 

Loreli

 

 

 

 

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Editing - polished draft

Comments

mand

Thu, 2010-12-09 03:00

mand's picture
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Such a powerful poem!! Terrible wounds - mentally and physically.

I love your ending. It's emphatic and determined.

I'm just sorry you were put through such a terrible ordeal.

Keep writing and thanks for sharing.

Love and hugs Mand xxxxxxxxx

Loreli

Thu, 2010-12-09 07:13

Loreli's picture

I have been working on this poem for awhile. Unlike a few others I have written about my abuse as a child, this has been more problematic for me. That whole love/hate/guilt thing with my mother.

yes, my childhood left many scars but they also made me who I am...and I (for the most part...) like her.

I am pleased to say that both my kids are happy and healthy, despite their overprotective mom! LOL.

Thanks for taking the time to read and comment, I appreciate it Mand!

Peace and Love,

Lori

author comment

Kailashana2

Thu, 2010-12-09 03:42

Haunting words: "the child in me died and no one even grieved".... they will stay on... it seems we all suffer with that, in smaller or larger doses.

Though I despise the fact that folks live through all this hurt, I admire your and their ability to make poetry out of these horrible life experiences.

A little girl's canopy bed and denial games, indeed.

Thank you.

~A

Loreli

Thu, 2010-12-09 07:21

Loreli's picture

I am thankful to you for reading this and taking the time to comment.
Funny, the line you picked out was actually the first line which came into my head when I decided to write about this.
I had that bed in the spare room of my house until my daughter was born, then sold it before she was ever old enough to sleep in it...very freeing for me!

Unfortunately my mother is still in denial and probably always will be.

Peace and Hugs,
Lori

author comment

Loreli

Thu, 2010-12-09 07:26

Loreli's picture

thank you, I admire your writing very much so I am grateful you like this.
Unfortunately, I seem to write best out of pain....LOL.

Peace and Hugs to you!
Lori

author comment

scribbler

Thu, 2010-12-09 09:19

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not exactly the tribute to mother I expected. A strong write about overcoming one's upbringing......... I also liked the form. It was as if you were recalling and accusing point by point. But being me you know I have a few ideas lol :
L-8 try but too often.......
L-15 change hid to hidden ?

There will come a day when your best writing will come from beauty and love............scribbler

Loreli

Fri, 2010-12-10 23:15

Loreli's picture

No not exactly a tribute...sorry, didn't mean to mislead.
I was doing exactly that scribbler, recalling and accusing. I originally had the two line stanzas in a different font.
Thanks for the change Ideas, I agree and plan to make the changes.

appreciate the encouragement my friend!
Lori

author comment

Loreli

Fri, 2010-12-10 23:23

Loreli's picture

Thank you for your sharing with me and all of neo! since we can't see past work posted on here, I have written in the past about my childhood, the other two from before the crash of neo were about my abuse by my father. My mother was a victim in her own life with him....she didn't have the energy I suppose to really see what was going on under her own nose. I did confront her (lovingly), about 15 years ago in therapy, it was not a success, she did not speak to me for over a year. She is a sad person but I love her despite it all.

Thanks for your support my friend!
Love ya bunches,
Lori

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