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The beach (October Halloween contest)

At the north side beach of river benue
They went fishing
Having fun and eating roasted fishes
Making jest to each other
They turned teasing bob
Of his bigger head and a tiny waist
"Head boy, head boy they yelled
Was a mockery name they gave him
Some called him "kanyi west"
Meaning tiny waist
He looked just as described.

In their midst also lie a nightmare
The hunters of the river
There he go swimming towards the reave
In a blink of an eye the water became red
With blood
The crocodiles catched up with Ben
And shared him amongst themselves

In shock they all gazed
The little boys shivered
Helplessly they watched their friend
Became a meal to aquatic soldiers.

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Comments

a direct connection to Halloween; I do see that it is properly horrifying; with the young boy being eaten by a crocodile!
I'm not sure about the line: "In their mixed, also lied a nightmare." I am going to assume that you mean; " In their midst lie a
nightmare, meaning that their teasing and such, caused the youth to dive into the river to get away from them and he was eaten by the crocodiles. ~ Geez.
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It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

Very correct you are, any way let me say I will continue writing on this platform even if I can not win based on my little mistakes oftenly made. Thanks for always noticing them for me.

author comment

never! Many times, the judge overlooks minor mistakes and if he/she likes the poem in general, they give the prize to the author. There is still time to write a proper Halloween poem and maybe... Who knows? Any way, I did enjoy the story and Please, continue to write here; you have a big voice for freedom and honor in your country! My admiration, Sir! ~ Geez.
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It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

Thank you so much and continue to be my neopoet corrector God bless you.

author comment
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