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Be Yourself.. Serious Limericks WS

Look not to my old fashioned way
That reflect faults that would haunt your day.
You've a brain to use
A world to peruse
Just be aware of what I say

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Last few words: 
This is now a combined effort so don't blame just Me, tra la Lee
Editing stage: 

Comments

your language use and thought that went into this limerick is very good. As for the rhyme sequence, to me it fits the sequence...however I am new to this style...

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

The format is not negotiable.
"A limerick is not but a fable
produced by small men hardly able
to give a good rhyme,
a cent or the time
or I've fallen out of me cradle".

Forgive me for using my own as an example, but I'm new to this too, so I need the practice. See how lines 4 and 5 are considerably shorter than the rest? You can't cheat here. It's a limerick. You risk angering the gods by changing the rules.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
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Thank you have looked up the format and corrected the glaring mistake, it should be OK now,
Yours Ian. T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

author comment

the fourth and fifth lines are traditionally shorter.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

That they were shorter.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

My fault I corrected before the others saw the two long third and fourth lines. Now it's sorted we can carry on lol.
Yours Ian

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

author comment

apart from what ws says
don't you think?
u missed a
don't somewhere

just don't or don't just

well very sorry for the intrusion
I have been directed exclusion
asked to be a running linesman
to stay out of the limy can
mine's always an outstanding submission

There is no need for don't in what I wrote.
"Mind what I say" means take notice of what I say.
The Scots use the words a lot, Mind is used in many ways and this is just one of them,
Take care young Bard, Yours Ian

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

author comment

not to mind
ur limy as per me is fine
how did u find mine?

I had trouble with your last line Ian. I've had to take to the book of them I own to read the rhythm until it's easy.

They are beyond disgusting. Obscene. Whatever happened to innuendo? Graphic plumbing is more like it.

I'm alright.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

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