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the banks of Jordan (March contest)

I’ll be waiting by the Jordan
the far side bank where water’s clear
where sands of self are washed of dun
to wipe the veil of life’s veneer

so worry not that I am lost
I’ll be waiting by the Jordan
and by that river I have crossed
I’ll muse on what my soul has done

until your turn, when your tune’s run
and fate deems that we meet again
I’ll be waiting by the Jordan
and we’ll embrace each other then

we never lose they we hold dear
so when it’s time for you to come
come calmly, gently, have no fear
I’ll be waiting by the Jordan

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Contest: 

Comments

and by the rivers of Babylon... one can use the mirth very distinctively i love this, good job

for the visit and very kind comment
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

a very appealing conversational toned quatern, so good that anyone will try to follow you to the banks of Jordan, to ensure that you are safe there from the cross border violence.

Once again you are a strong contender for getting voted as the best. I see two more competitors have submitted their posts for the contest...Ian and Rula...so we now have three contestants so far ..yet to see theirs.

Best of luck for the contest...

raj (sublime_ocean)

it is interesting to see your take on this write
you are not christian, are you?
I've just only realised that a lot of people who have not been brought up in that particular faith may not understand this...
Great - I will get a lot of interesting comments - maybe

I love your take on it
Love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

Apologies if my comments have hurt any Christian sentiments. I certainly did not intend to do that and i don't believe I ever would do that...

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

You have made no comment that would hurt anyone - stop being so sensitive...
the theme is based on christian myth, that's all, and as you didn't understand it i realised that other's probably wouldn't either
i will pm you the explanation, as I'd like to see if i get any more interesting interpretations :)
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

I did say I liked your take on the write
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

Follows the contest rules exactly.....The judge will be proud........stan

Much more respectful Mr Holloway
thank you
love Ms Corcoran
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

Loved this one a little on the religious side, but most accept all religious writes.
I am not sure about the word "Dun"
where sands of self are washed of dun
I know it is a sort of Brown colour but maybe I lost the context of it in this piece.
I could say replace but what with "Sin " maybe but the rhyme would be loose.
We will think about it ???
Take care out there, Yours, Ian.x

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Unconditional love to you all.
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Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

1. dull, grayish brown.
2. dark; gloomy.

I think it fits Ian

'sin' centres it into a religious write -
and I'm not pushing any religion, I am more just using the Jordan for the mythology of it

thanks very much for the read and crit
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

I loved this (nothing new:) as I love all your works)
I also feel close to this but maybe in a different way than that you do as a Christian, but I think you wanted "Jordan" not "Jordon" unless I am missing something.

Did you know that I am from Jordan? In fact I am from Palestine, but both Palestine and Jordan is one land where River of Jordan crosses.
Sorry if I carried on, but I really like this one
All the best wishes dear.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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in the title AND the repeating line...
thanks Rula, for pointing that nit out
and thank you for the lovely comment
I am very glad that you like this

and, yes, I was aware that you are from Palestine
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

We call dark grey buckskins "duns".
I loved this. A love poem. It is soft and precious from a couple of directions. And wouldn't you know Rula would find the misspelling. I overlooked it glaring me in the face. Some proofreader.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

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Thank you. I'm glad you liked this
lol, yes - the glaring errors seem to be the ones that are most often overlooked
thanks to Rula, I only looked stupid for a day :)

love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

A wonderful piece and I learn abit about the Christian myth. Thanks for sharing.

Alid

Love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment
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