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Balinese Eyes

So much is unknown, my life is almost beginning
there is no choice but to write your
face on green and gold panels
to finger the telephone cord next to the phone box
where a cat’s eye grows minute by minute
and the irreal tune of your spinning gelato
hearts decaled with balinese insects and their hard
shells, unbroken with these sieves of memory
which i trek as close as touch, as close as eyes
spinning like haunted olives growing
color in the contracted night, the burning
of these noir chapels, from my clay hand
in the dumbwaiter

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

Irreal is a new word for me, and I like it very much. I also enjoy the cat imagery. I am imagining the Kit-Kat clock, but in the form of a melty Balinese cat in Dali's "The Persistence of Memory".

A question, is it to be read as "spinning gelato-hearts, decaled" or as "spinning gelato, hearts decaled"? (are they a part of the same thought, or does a new thought start at the line break?)

I'm behind on Neopoet as usual, but the thesis draft is almost done! Thank you for your patience in the meantime.

Kelsey

Advocates Coordinator

Critique, don't comment. Neopoet is a workshop and is designed to share your poetry, receive and make critique of the work posted, and most importantly, for you to evolve as a poet.

www.kelsey-burroughs.weebly.com

are they a part of the same thought, or does a new thought start at the line break?

I have no idea. No, nothing I write is inspired by Dali, though he is my favorite sell out along with Andy Warhol

Thank you Kelsey!

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