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The Aspiration

I spy a butterfly at play;
its wings, the spring; what one must ink;
it hides to tease, we seek and yay,
I spy a butterfly at play.
We find, and then it guides the way,
and writes with gold what one must think,
I spy a butterfly at play;
its wings, the spring; what one must ink.

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 

Comments

Syllable count and rhyming pattern - perfect and such a pretty abstract word picture too!

Can't fault :)

Love Mand xxxx

for the kind visit and the supporting words.
Much appreciated.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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www.instgram.com/rularules1

author comment

This is well written but I still see the strict form getting in the way of any feeling of freshness.

Keith Logan
the happy chappy
https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines

can't change your opinion?

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

author comment

You are a great poet but no one can write great poetry with their hands tied. So that would be a no then.

Keith Logan
the happy chappy
https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines

There's a challenge - rhyming poetry ( or strict meter e.c.t ) that manages convey emotions naturally. That would be my desired goal - not easy to accomplish. :)

All rhyming poets need to rise to the challenge! Lol

Love Mand xxx

see if that comes close to what you desire.

Keith Logan
the happy chappy
https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines

as a child we had tons of milkweed along the old highway out front
tiger tails...moments when they would be there in multitudes
I still see them....and once spied a lunar moth ragged but alive
still taking a break at a gas station kiosk!

survivors...finding inspiration
thank U!

I played here a little with my butterfly.
Monarch! l loved this!
I claimed it as my aspiration,
What I would like to line
with golden ink
I permitted it to guide my way
as it often hides
I seek it again as we together
play to finally achieve
what our souls aspire

Thank you Steve for dropping this butterfly such a kind visit.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

author comment
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