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Another go. (limerick workshop)

The thing I fear most is the fear;
the struggle to hide from the tears.
The body of me
I'd thank you not see,
for at heart I am quite in arrears.

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
Good thing this isn't what I want to write because I would be in for years of misery.
Editing stage: 


my reading won't give anyone his/her justice for not having the native like accent. However I liked to share it with you and will be happy if you'd give it a go and read it for us and add it as a spoken word.


Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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for the most part. I would just change the next to last line to something like: " I'd hope you not see" or something similar so the rhythm is kept. ~ Gee

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7 to 10 in first second and last line
5to7 in third and fourth
good rhyme towards the end
beautifully you made it

what if you had said
are the tears
all ending in

I am no expert on Limericks. However, not sure if fear, tears * arrears match perfectly.

please also see if "at" would be more appropriate in L 5

for in [at] heart I am quite in arrears.


raj (sublime_ocean)

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