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ANCESTORS (Primal Poetry)

Here stood our ancestral home
the crumbling wall marks the spot
here a sheep was led to the slaughter
to appease the gods and atone

for faults which our destiny
has blossomed into crimes
there my cursed father once stood
and shouted to us, his children
to come back from our play
to our evening meal and sleep.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Workshop: 

Comments

the ancestor is a very inspirational poem and it got me looking back in the days from where we started.

you have a good sense of what this contest is about and have written a clear scene. Yes, it is about where we come from and what we remember about our roots. Someday, your children may write about you as you have written about your father and your memories of where you have come from. You are getting better each time you submit a poem. It all seems to fit, the title, the subject and it flows smoothly. Nice job!
~ Geezer.
.

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I am merely offering a method that has helped me find places in myself I didn't know even existed.

You can see that the early shamans found insights that made them seem magical, but it's all psychology without the terminology, nothing really spiritual about it, although you can regard it so if you choose to.

Have you tried the hour long one yet? Let me know how it goes.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

just finished my meds. Sorry about the contest blooper.

Please acknowledge critique and comments.
They are a vital part of our community!
Critique or comment today!

But truth now, please, is it really the result of of the drumming meditation?
My last submission, which came out as poetry because that is the way I think after 50 years of writing poetry but I intuitively feel it is not the result of of a shamanic trance.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

It is the way that people think, that causes them to write the way they do. I don't think that we can expect that just because we have people listening to drumming; that it is going to necessarily change the way they write. I understand the idea of wanting just the bare bones of the thought and of trying to understand those thoughts in a ritualistic light, but it doesn't change the fact that "You write what you are." ~ Gee.
.

Please acknowledge critique and comments.
They are a vital part of our community!
Critique or comment today!

I was being a control freak, thinking things had to turn out a certain way.

My apologies, Chiori.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

Did you feel the drumming lead you to another, visual place?

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

Yeah, the drumming in my own realm could only bring me here, which is the result written down.

Thanks Jess

always remember to make a critique of other poems
using the hoe is not madness for nothing

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