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In the castle of my dreams
Where you are my king
I loved you with all my might
Alone again tonight!

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage: 


is alright and predictable. I like the brevity and the subject. I wish you had spent a little bit more on the setting, but it is relatable. I do think that you might change the tenses either way; past or present.
[Are my king], vs [loved you]. I like the raw emotion that this tenders, and I would chose to go with [You were my king]! Gives it a bit more sadness. Welcome to Neopoet and I hope that you enjoy the company of our fellow poets and the heartfelt comments and criticism. Please take advantage of the workshops that we have and enter the monthly contests! ~ Geezer.

Come to chat every Thursday - 3:30 to 4:30 pm. EST.
With: c Lynn Brooks and Geezer

Brief poems can be powerful when the evoke a feeling or bring a point for consideration.

I would invite you to review and revise to make your statement more direct.

If you would like structure or content suggestions, let me know.


Jonathan Moore

it is a sad poem, the dream versus the reality, perhaps? short and sweet. "alone" can be one of the most powerful words in the English language, though of course it can be used in a whole bunch of different ways. welcome to neopoet!

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