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admission

Kronos, who steadfastly, slowly crept
in my childhood Mays
now sprints past, sometimes in spasms
seemingly, sometimes, jumping whole days

I wander in a beautiful garden
in those missing hours
memories are misty in my mind
but I still can smell the flowers

a face fades in and out of my vision
a stranger, yet I should know him
I stare at pleading, soul ravaged caverns
as sparkling diamonds form at their rim

I watch them tumble over wrinkled parchment
through befuddled veils, I try to fathom
(while my bewildered mind peers past the roses)
from just where have those falling stars come

I hear a voice as from afar
you should go home, get some sleep, sir
she won't know that you are gone
and we’ll look after her
.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

Only thing i'd change is, remove the and from verse two. And the two ands from the last verse, then i'd consider it perfect. Love Roscoe...

Roscoe Llane,

Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.

Ps just noticed as i read again there are three ands in the last verse, remove the and in line two and move the coma across like ( you should go home, get some sleep sir). Then remove the other two also. Love Roscoe...

Roscoe Llane,

Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.

I have removed all but the last and - I think I need that one
Your input is greatly appreciated
Love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

you got me google "Koronos". I found that he was the king/leader of the titans.

I especially liked the use of the alliteration in

"now sprints past, sometimes in spasms
seemingly, sometimes, jumping whole days"

and especially like the second and the last stanza.

The whole thing sounds like a dream or true faded memory.

Am I on the right track?

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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was, according to the Greeks, the god of chaos and disorder, and he was the Roman god of time.

A fitting connection, I thought, as the poem is supposed to be the admission to a nursing home, of a woman with dementia, seen through the eyes of that woman. I hoped it gave an insight into the emotion of her husband...

it's interesting to see how you have read it... maybe it is a little too obtuse... but no matter - the poem belongs to the reader to get what they relate to, is my belief

thanks Rula
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

thanks for the explanation. Some would include such information in the author's note, but I prefer to give the reader some food for thought, and I am for one who likes the embiguity in this.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

I was really quite moved by the images here, and the ....."soul ravaged caverns" which are a particularly powerful portrayal (are we looking into the eyes here, I wonder?) - was curious, how it moved out of that childhood innocence, that I think we all long for - but which Kronos? Was it the "Cronus" of mythology, or did you mean Chronos, like time personified? Just curious, that's all.

Thank you for sharing, it's really got some finely turned, lovely things in there amongst the obviously reflective and personal themes.

Take care,

Chris.

Chris Hall - Tasmania

Grossbooted draymen rolled barrels dullthudding out of Prince's stores and bumped them up on the brewery float. On the brewery float bumped dullthudding barrels rolled by grossbooted draymen out of Prince's stores.

...and you already answered my own question, oops, sorry. must have more than a "Man look" next time :)

Take care,

Chris.

Chris Hall - Tasmania

Grossbooted draymen rolled barrels dullthudding out of Prince's stores and bumped them up on the brewery float. On the brewery float bumped dullthudding barrels rolled by grossbooted draymen out of Prince's stores.

for your thoughtful comments
they are greatly appreciated

yes - Cronus - I, and I don't know why, have always spelt it Kronos... I know it is correct spelling, along with Chronos or Chronus - but I wonder which format would present as the two gods that I want to reference...

lol - i rarely read comments before I make my crit - I read them after, as you obviously did. I prefer to get my own feel of a poem, and I do like to get what others feel about mine without foreknowledge of its intent

I especially liked your comment, before you read my explanation to Rula - 'was curious, how it moved out of that childhood innocence' ... I'm glad that came across..

thank you very much Chris
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment
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