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The Action of Attraction..

The Action of Attraction….

Their bodies negotiate each move
so fluid it seems like dance,
clinging to each other every speeding
second a stolen chance.

He’s in love with someone else, she
has a partner just as new, that fate dealt
them cards like these was unfair but so
very true.

Though they had just met each other
their bodies moved precise, touching
with a hunger seeking satisfaction,
it gripped them like a vice.

He knew the guilt would come but
he could not shake her scent, a clear
feeling of how cheap he used her, just
like the room he’d rent.

How good her kisses felt as she slides down
from his chest, ah this was far to pleasurable
to hell in a cart with all the rest.

His time was now he thought as he moved
his hand between her thighs, he smelled
then touched her sex she moaned he saw
wanton in her eyes.

That this could end as happy no, they
knew it could not be, but like animals
rutting in the wild both felt like they
were free

He slid inside her she was so warm,
beautiful, moistened, so intense their loving
his body was ready let go, she just squeezed
him tighter, cooing lover not just yet

Rolling around inside a sexual shell, the
whole world was now shut out from their
thought, he’d bite at her nipple she’d pull
his hair extremes of pain and pleasure
that’s never taught.

So lithe she moved on top before
he could say no, he saw himself
thrusting deep inside felt their
pace and rhythm begin to grow.
Gripping each others hand stretching,
as if towards a sexual heaven,
both were nearing the end
of what was ever likely
to be given.

What was this lovemaking type of
crescendo they could not reach
inside a normality.
Why couldn’t they say no to
chance encounters were
they happier outside reality.

Both washed in silence it always had
the same effect, a little anger,
a guilty look could they have respect.

Tasting the fruit of others always
came with it’s own price,
these two elicit lovers would
return to what was nice.

But nice would never be enough,
both had a taste for distraction.
After all was said and done,
don’t we all need a little action.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
I can only ever imagine...
Editing stage: 


My damn memory can only take so much in one lump..
Could you separate the piece into smaller lumps, so that I can read better.
I don't know now whether I is coming or going, and the memories are conflicting with reality lol.
I am not going to talk about reality, Yours Ian.T

There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

Sorry Ian, but i love the thought of people working to find the rhyme and flow, rhythm, but i suppose it is selfish and will break this up for you's. Regards Roscoe..

Roscoe Llane,

Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.

author comment

A good write but definitely could use some punctuation or line breaks to help with the flow. I didn't have any trouble following it. My issues were just with flow.

I hope in editing you will take a look at different descriptions for tired words such as "wet, explosion, forbidden fruit, explicit lovers" and a few others. For me, changes in that direction could take this poem from being good to being great.

Thanks for the opportunity to read



Will get to work on this as i explained to Ian, thanks for your comments. Regards Roscoe..

Roscoe Llane,

Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.

author comment

but I agree with Scott and Ian. Turning the lines into stanzas to break it up and make it easier to read would be helpful. I love the concept of the poem. I noticed a few daring people have been writing some sex themed works...try using a thesauraus or online dictionary to come up with different words for "tired ones" like Scott said. I use it all the time....good job though...

Keep Writing,

"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"

Dont need, the thesauraus, sorry that sounded arrogant, what i meant was i've already had some ideas. Thank you for you comments, Love Roscoe..

Roscoe Llane,

Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.

author comment
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