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21 Knots
There's a humbling sound
at 21 knots,
this voice
powerful,
and frightening.
I can hear,
but can't see anyone.
Human words are not sufficient
to even describe it.
I lost the ability to discern it
at Babel's folly,
when I learned the vice of pride.
But in this dark place,
this no place,
and this every place
it is thunderous and piercing
if I just turn my ear into it
12 stories up,
winnowing into sinew,
between joint and marrow
in this deep place.
In this deep place,
this inky blanket
is the beginning of all things,
where Leviathan flits and frolics,
and the tuna howl.
He walks upon the surface,
He hovers
upon the chest of the breathing Earth.
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
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Comments
Geezer
Tue, 2012-01-31 08:31
I think I have...
the idea. Are you an astronaut? I know that we all make assumptions about what another's work is supposed to mean but, I had to stretch a little to figure this one out. maybe you could give a little more direction to it? What does 21 knots have to do with it? It does seem a bit scattered. ~ Gee
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Conect11
Wed, 2012-02-01 22:29
nope
It was written immediately after coming from the observation platform of a cruise ship in the Atlantic. The wind was incredibly powerful, and the sensation of turning my ear into it was like hearing the voice of God. Will look at tightening up some of the poem, thanks so much!
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