Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

2020

here we are in twenty twenty
we've increasing influenza
some no cash, too many plenty
we just call that affluenza

we look to each coming season
as we wait for spring this winter
on the earth committing treason
will more polar ice caps splinter

now with earth's ice caps set on melt
we could with buckets big enough
drop water on the flaming belt
surrounding earth - gee things are tough

to save the honey bees somehow
miracles will become needed
but we've got phony honey now
and corn sugar geo-seeded

kids still starve in that old third world
other lands ears on each I phone
smart bombs can think they're not just twirled
and the seas learn to live alone

wealthy still get the best tax cuts
fights are on with man and weather
dirty old men call women butts
who'll pluck the last phoenix feather

beyond the smoke still float blue skies
to reflect under ocean scum
man versus earth - who'll fall who'll rise
to hear the next beat of the drum

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
this contest is open to new participants. i am not sure what this means. how new? i have been here a while.
Editing stage: 
Contest: 

Comments

surely isn't original or all that. I think you can do better. Language use is good and climate change certainly is a [let me pun here], hot topic. It flowed well from beginning to end and was consistent all the way through. I enjoyed your rhyme as it was steady right through. ~ Geezer.
.

Come to Chat on the Darkside
every other Saturday night 8pm to ?
Bring your dark and delicious work
to show.

with Geezer 'bout the title. I don't think numerals are good in titles (you don't say 2020 to end line one) 'twenty twenty'.... maybe?
'Two thousand twenty' may entice people to read on, or you could think of something else altogether.
If you are trying to get a 'moral' across then I don't think you are quite passionate enough ~ sorry but I don't.
sings like a 'phone call:-
'........................who'll fall who'll rise
to hear the next beat of the drum ~ Oh my lunch is ready, goodbye.

Good first take though.

.......................................
Critique is a compliment
Kind regards, Alan
.......................................

(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.