Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
Free Haiku
A delicate rose,
memories drifting.
Alas, November rain.
Free Haiku (C) Maref
Style / type:
Structured: Eastern
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage:
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
User login
Author information
Region & Country
Libya
Favorite Poets
E. E. Cummings, T. S. Eliot, Pablo Neruda, Khalil Gibran, Ghada Al Samman and Maya Angelou.
Comments
Geezer
Sat, 2011-11-26 19:46
I got...
the picture right away! Very effective Haiku! ~ Geezer
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Genuine Breath
Sun, 2011-11-27 00:47
Thank you
For passing.
I'm on a vacation this week and I will try to get involved in this chat when I come back.
I appreciate your invitation very much.
http://genuinebreath.yolasite.com/
author commentweirdelf
Tue, 2011-11-29 06:17
A good haiku, works as a moment, an image and a thought
somehow I feel it could be just a bit better.
It's the first line bothers me
A delicate rose,
is just a tad cliche, perhaps there is another way to state its ephemerality? Maybe even
ephemeral rose
or
lingering rose
or
now, a rose
just some thoughts.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
Genuine Breath
Tue, 2011-11-29 13:07
Good Suggestion, thank you.
I used to use difficult words in my free verses, but somehow this "Haiku" worded simply... I like your first suggestion, but somehow there is a simile here (the beloved is as tender as the rose and unable to hold more pain) that is why I chose "delicate"...
Feel free to share me the thoughts, always.
http://genuinebreath.yolasite.com/
author commentweirdelf
Tue, 2011-11-29 13:56
and perhaps a less delicate western phrase
"Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater"
yes, you got it right first time, as a haiku should be,
but thank you for considering my thoughts.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry