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L

Awakening

The whisper came at midnight
from lips that should not speak
it caused my heart to flutter
and made my knees grow weak

The pallor of her countenance
revealed that she was dead
how then could she form the words
that rang within my head?

Standing by the bedside
I stretched a trembling hand
seeking to discern some truth
my brain could understand

Her limbs were stiff with rigor
her bosom did not rise
circles dark and sinister
surrounded both her eyes

But then those eyes popped open
those limbs began to flail
and from the very depths of hell
my love began to wail

She leaped up from her death-bed
and struck me to the floor
my ears heard one last scream of rage
and then they heard no more

C.  Lon R.  Bruso
— Lonnie, Feb 08, 2010

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: New England, originally, now, Macon, N.C., USA

Favorite Poets: Poe, Frost, Bob Dylan

More from this author

Critiques

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Lonnie

16 years 3 months ago

Thanks, Indi

I felt rather "Poe-ish" when writing this! It was great fun!
L

Lonnie

16 years 3 months ago

No worries, Anna!

I was just doing my sinister thing! letting loose the Badger, so to speak!
yenti

yenti

16 years 3 months ago

Lonnie

If only her name was lazarus but no, there is a depth that we fear and you have written it down before our eyes, to show us a thought that were it true we would grow weak in our being and our thinking would be that of someone held by guys in white coats, Take care my wonderful friend, enjoy each moment that the love brings as it is yours for always,if you remember that I told you that the other shadows would become dimmer and a love would send them away, Yours Ian.T
L

Lonnie

16 years 3 months ago

Thank you, Ian!

It's always a pleasure hearing from you and getting your input on a poem!
P

poewriter58

16 years 3 months ago

Bear

Well done my dear, well done. I love the eerieness( is that a word) of the entire poem. You written this in the true tradition of Poe And you know how I feel about his writing Now you need to write something I can sink my teeth into and correct, or add to geesh A side to Anna One never knows do one!!!! Chrys
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Lonnie

16 years 3 months ago

Thanks, M'Dear!

Who knows, the next one may be really lousy! But, I'm glad you approve of this one!
xena465

xena465

16 years 3 months ago

I like it very much...

I like the rhyming. The content from start to finish reads really well. A poet after my own heart. Rosina xena465
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Lonnie

16 years 3 months ago

Thanks, Rosina!

Do I have a new fan? (LOL!!) Seriously, I'm pleased that this pleased you!
xena465

xena465

16 years 3 months ago

Not a new fan...

I've commented on you work many times before. You're a great poet. Rosina xena465
xena465

xena465

16 years 3 months ago

Happy Valentines

Happy Valentines Day Rosina xena465
Seren

Seren

16 years 3 months ago

Dear Lonnie

Your Cadance is always excellent and I have come to expect nothing less Lonnie your a master at it and I have always admired the way you write love and hugs Jayne-Chloe x x x P.S oppps forgot to say your poem scared the bejesus outta me lol its early hours and I am touch typing in the dark lol
L

Lonnie

16 years 3 months ago

Thank you, Jayne!

I greatly appreciate your kind praise and I'm glad I scared you! (TeeHee!!)
weirdelf

weirdelf

16 years 3 months ago

all the above but...

You missed the oomph in the ending with this scary one. Is it timing? Or stretching suspension of disbelief by using the first person? Perhaps as indi said it needs more depth, or more viscera? Describe what she does to you, or give us a hint how the awakening happened? Cheers, Jess, reprehensibly irrepressible
IP

Ian The Poet

16 years 3 months ago

Very good I liked it

Very good I liked it especially this stanza: "Standing by the bedside I stretched a trembling hand seeking to discern some truth my brain could understand" Well put. All the best Ian.
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panaella

16 years 2 months ago

Gothic...

Hi Lonnie, The last stanza was a little weak...very macabre and victorian gothic. Enjoyed it. Ells.