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Z
ziggy
Dec 28, 2009 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

WATCHING

Close circuit TV big
brother watching me

face name number a
record of misdemeanors.

where hides now the infamous
under the shackles of coloured focus

cyclops gaze, boys in hoods
CCTV abbreviations of common place

eyes prying through static vision
instant playback
silent alarms

— ziggy, Dec 28, 2009

About This Poem

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Country/Region: IRL

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Critiques

L

lyz

16 years 5 months ago

Hi mate

Scary thought to be watched. A well written poem. Finally I get to read some more of your brilliant work. I can only see a typo, Cyclops. You added an e. No faults at all. Love from Lyz. XX
Z

ziggy

16 years 5 months ago

hello mate

well hello there my friend i am so glad to hear from you i have not being here much bad weather really playing hell with my signal i had a long reply written to you pm and i lost signal , i am so glad you got that safe and and all and yes it is celtic , i will fix that typo now cheers i will pm you again soon chat soon endastory,,,,,,,,,,
L

lyz

16 years 5 months ago

Hi there.

So you are still under fire with the weather, my, it has taken its toll. Can you still get to the shops etc? I know you are on a hill but still. i hope you and the girls etc had a great day. I will chat soon. Take care. Love Lyz. XX
Z

ziggy

16 years 5 months ago

hi

hi yes the weather is brutal first floods now snow and ice the and only the main roads get treated the rest are like a skating ring everything comes to a full stop when we have weather like this , lol yes i live on the hill and we had a lovely day when i had the girls , is there any hope of your warm sun visiting us frozen irish for a while .
Seren

Seren

16 years 5 months ago

Dear Zig's

Big Brother is watching every part of our lives ... well imaged in this poem Ziggy hope you and yours had a merry christmas love and hugs jayne x x
Z

ziggy

16 years 5 months ago

hi there jayne

hi there thanks for you comment i have not had a chance to comment on you recent work i am having trouble with my internet signal with all the bad weather not helping but i have read some of your latest and as usual brill , i my self live in the sticks lol so i don`t see many cctv camera`s , i am glad to get such a quick reply i will catch up with your comments soon as i can enjoy all the festive cheer and new year ,,,,,ziggy
O

Orphani

16 years 5 months ago

Right smart this write. I

Right smart this write. I think your really getting the hang of creating your imagery through the presise choice of your wordsand their placement to control emphesis and rythem. You might want to use capitals at the beggining of each sentance as it imparts a cleaner look to the poem I feel. And a lot of poets prefer this.You may want to change "close" with "closed" "Name" to "nameless" and last stanza add "of" It's alittle choppy. You really show great improvement here and I want to get on to some of your other posts. Great job Zig you have a way to go but you've come a long way in a short time. Hang tough till spring and God bless you and all your own and a happy new year to a gentle spirit. Barry ,,,o,,
Z

ziggy

16 years 5 months ago

hi there

hi thanks for the comment i wanted to add a reworked last stanza but it has not come to me yet , i was advised before not to use capitals on the start of every sentance just the lines i want to stand out a bit but its hard to learn that then hear the other way is best but i guess i`ll get there eventually ,i am wondering why " closed" is better than close, i hope you had a great xmas and i thank you for the help and wish you and yours a great start to the new year chat soon,,,,,,zigs
seabhac

seabhac

16 years 5 months ago

Hi Ziggy

A clockwork orange feeling here, science fiction then ...factual now...scarey isn't it. Weather pretty bad here too, lots of snow still but getting out to the roads now. Sledging for a few more days yet I think. Happy Hogmany Seabhac
Z

ziggy

16 years 5 months ago

hello

hi there there might be a few lines more in this yet time will see, a clockwork orange feeling here mmm maybe lol, ya your getting the bad weather too its rough where you are also and more promised its snowing again this evening on the galway coast so it will be heading my way then yours i guess yes happy new years eve to you too ( hogmany ) i don`t hear that too often over here these days , well keep safe and chat soon ,,,,,,,,,ziggy
O

Orphani

16 years 5 months ago

The majority of published

The majority of published poets use caps, as you can easily see in any book of potry, but some choose not to. This is generally becouse it fits their style better . Otherwise caps are the standard. Suggest you look into this further as it is a stylistic choice. B
yenti

yenti

16 years 5 months ago

Ziggy

wont reply to this piece as they may be watching me and I don't want to implicate you in any dealings with a Moonraker, so I will answer in code:- creative, observant,descriptive,excellent, Yours Yenti...
Z

ziggy

16 years 5 months ago

watching

hi there its a while since i have being chatting to your good self , lol great comment it did make me laugh , in code yes where a nod is as good as a wink,chat soon thanks again and happy xmas and new year ,,,,,,,,ziggy
ID

Ink Dragon

16 years 5 months ago

Ziggy,

this is really great. The only way it might possibly be improved would be by rearranging some lines. I am leaving a couple of suggestions: Close circuit TV big brother watching me face, name, number a record of misdemeanors. The rest of the poem cannot be faulted. Great poem on modern "safety". Yours, ~Nina
Z

ziggy

16 years 5 months ago

hi there

well hello there nice to see your reading this one this is the result of me looking for new theme`s to write on as i dislike visiting old ground if i can i see how your tweeks could help and thank you for it i hope you are enjoying the festive cheer and in case i am not talking to you in the mean time , HAPPY NEW YEAR ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,ZIGGY / ENDA
M

mrillogical

16 years 5 months ago

hi

yea it's pretty scary being watch like your friend said,well written work you got here short but it put you painted a big picture here,well done
Z

ziggy

16 years 5 months ago

hi

hello there again its good to see you about neo i am glad you can connect with this thanks , i send you all the good will and blessings for new year and i hope to read more from you in the new year ,,ziggy
Hooded Stranger

Hooded Stranger

16 years 1 month ago

CCTV

Zigs, love this, great imagery and depth of feeling. It has the feel to it that makes you look over shoulder just one more time to check you aren't being spied on. Maybe you should also write a similar piece based on the idea of Identity Cards. I wrote a CCTV song some time ago - I'll pm it to you as this is your moment...but despite it being your moment...you are not alone! HS ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "With all that I am and all that I could be, I walk this earth and yet nobody sees me".