Seren

Nov 29, 2009 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Felling an Empire

Listlessly ever fixing form
to the macabre,
a mosaic of shadows
laid turquoise wings
into supreme blackness

as a charm,
from the intersession of light
I bore misery as my shield

I was silhouettes
in masquerade,
a mannequin of ash
ever shifted to wake

between one
trans-morphing
entranced in movement
my disguise failed

a Mueddin beckoning
from the minaret
you,
called me to prayer

without doubt
the weight
of a darken hand
lifts,
I chant
in endless mercy

my grainy
empire crumbles
as misery's shield
dismantles
to dust

I stepped free
as darkened
fingers of night
still,
ever plucked
at dark fibers in spirit

smoothing your finger
around the rim,
erased all shade
in its retreat

I am now,
the chalice
forged with hands
that filigreed with faith
alas now,

Avalon calls me home

— Seren, Nov 29, 2009

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: Beyond the Black Stump..Australia, AUS

Favorite Poets: Pablo Neruda, P.K.Page, W.H.Auden, to many and various to include them all ...

Critiques

CyberSpace

16 years 6 months ago

Baby this is a masterpiece

Baby this is a masterpiece all my love hubby xoxoxoxox

Seren

16 years 6 months ago

Thanks baby your too kind ,

Thanks baby your too kind , this one doesnt quite touch the mark somethings missing but I will find it and fix it eventually love you forever wifey x x x

Kailashana

16 years 6 months ago

Indeed it is a masterpiece my darling Lady Jayne. "Avalon calls us home" and we are surrendering drops, mists that form rivulets of being. Love, Mum "...when it agrees with reason and it will benefit one and all, then accept it and live by it." ~ Buddha

Seren

16 years 6 months ago

Dearest Mum

I bow to you my inspiration ... Love and hugs Jayne x x x

ziggy

16 years 6 months ago

felling an empire

wow what a write it really made me think its so well written well done jayne ,,,,,,,ziggy

Seren

16 years 6 months ago

Dearest Ziggy

Thanks for your compliment its much appreciated ... read your muted lark this morning and its wonderful love and hugs Jayne x x

bjp

16 years 6 months ago

Dear Jayne-Chloe,

The basic structure here is good: dark/light/dark. A few of your favourite words are creeping in here, including sepia, talisman, shadow (or shade) X 3, and filigreed. And yet this remains a poem very much in a serious and intreging voice. There many good ideas in the phrasing, including: my grainy empire crumbles as misery’s shield dismantled [dismantles - don't change tense in the same phrase] to dust and smoothing your finger around the rim, The comma between "I" and "was", in the first line of the third stanza, may be removed. The meaning of the poem has a beauty if frosted: the sweet with the sour. You have the start of a very good poem here. Keep working. I hope you get a cool night for the task. Buggles of Higs, Brian

Seren

16 years 6 months ago

Dearest Brian

Thanks for having a look at this one ... I have done a small edit if I get time later I will have another look at it ... love and higgliest bugs Jayne x x x

Nordic cloud

16 years 6 months ago

So exquisitely beautiful, dearest star, Jayne.

Oh Jayne, Oh Jayne, here you pour, pure gold into the shadows of fates hand, into the ice you shine your warmth of love, into the crumbling ruins build new shrines of joy touching the rims of our hearts and magically transforming all into this most beautiful poetry that with its sounds carries our conscious spirits with its wings so soft, so gently uttered and yet so profound and dark that all our senses are employed, all our sympathies with every living thought enhanced to blaze and dazzle, oh beautiful mind, your wings are pure art, and carry us to worlds where peace is all we know, we love you. God speed and may that which you love be with you. Ann.

Seren

16 years 6 months ago

Dear Ann,that which I love I

Dear Ann, that which I love I carry in pieces of saffron light ... all of you my friends my family are always with me ... I am blessed more than I knew ... I bow my head to you my sister of the northern lights and appreciate you (huggles) love and hugs Jayne x x

lyz

16 years 6 months ago

Creme de la creme

Marvelous. No more, no less. I feel you have peaked these last few writes. No more polish for this gem, perfect. See you soon. Love Lyz. xx

Seren

16 years 6 months ago

Dearest Lyz

I was actually thinking that I'm just starting to move in poetry I was static for so long and now I've set myself free ... I have let go and the words that have dammed inside for months crushing to get out started to dribble and then pour its coming but slowly love and hugs Jayne x x

lyz

16 years 5 months ago

Dear dear Enchantress

Our Empress of the pen, please continue to dribble, lol. I am so proud of you and a few others here, all have improved so much and I do find that all are so entertaining, heartfelt, sad etc and yet in a category that appeals to me as a reader and that no one can take away. I cannot wait to get back into it. Well honey, lovely to hear your voice a few minutes ago, so I am back to finish this reply, and my condolences, you have had a bloody hard year and I know it will be better next year, better be, love to you all. Always your friend, Lyz. XX

press

16 years 6 months ago

Jc

I have been in & out 4 a while with my poetry. I don't know if this is the next stage of my elocution in poetry . But I will say this . I see very clearly , how you have changed . What I see now JC in your poetry is z peace & balance . I don't think no one else sees this in you

Seren

16 years 6 months ago

Dear Press

As pen tip caresses the page all my troubles fall away ... you have caught me out my friend lol and its nice to be 'seen' every once in a while (hugs) you take care of you and yours, hope your grandsons on the mend love and hugs Jayne x x